Happy Halloween!

This ancient festival originated far from the North American continent, centuries before the first Europeans set foot here.  The ancient Druids of what is now Great Britain placed great importance on the passing of each season. They held "Fire Festivals" which were celebrated for three days straight.  One of these festivals was called Samhaim (sha-von) and took place on Oct 31.  During this festival, the Druids believed that the boundaries between our world and the world of the dead were weakened, allowing spirits of the recently dead to cross over and possess the living.  They would dress up in bizarre costumes and parade through their villages causing destruction in order to scare away any recently departed souls who might be prowling around, looking for bodies to inhabit. Also, they would sacrifice animals and make other offerings to the Druidic deities.  Because everyone was in bizarre costumes, the villagers had no way of knowing who was actually alive and who was a recently departed soul. They would leave a bowl of fruit and nuts on their doorstep as an offering to any recently departed souls that might come around to reclaim the home they lived in while alive.  This could be the origin of the modern day custom of "trick or treat"  This yearly festival was later adopted by the Roman invaders, who helped to propagate it throughout the Roman Empire. In 834 A.D., the Catholic Church designated Nov. 1 as All Saints Day, or All Hollows Eve. It was a Catholic day of observance in honor of saints who had died. The word "Halloween" is a derivation from All Hallows Eve.  Halloween came to North America largely due to the Irish immigrants escaping the Potato Famine in Ireland. The Jack 'O Lantern is one of the customs brought with them.  Irish Folklore states that there was once a man named Jack who tricked the devil into climbing a tree and then trapped him there by carving a cross on the trunk. Jack made the devil promise to never tempt him to sin again. The Devil agreed.  Due to his mischievous life, upon his death, Jack was barred from heaven and, because of his earlier trick with the devil, he was barred from Hell, as well.  Jack was forced to wander the earth until the end of time, with only a single ember (carried in a hollowed out turnip) to warm him and light his way.  In Ireland, they originally used turnips for their Jack'O Lanterns but upon arriving in the new world, they discovered pumpkins to be more abundant and far easier to carve out.

 

Happy Halloween, Happy All Saints Day!

interesting things concerning my beloved baseball team...

These are little known things concerning our baseball team. Mr. DeWitt, the principle owner of our beloved Cardinals, was (and still is) one of GWB’s best buddies and essentially was in charge of his inaugral parties in 2000 and 2004 in DC.  He was also a minority partner in the ownership group that actually owned the Texas Rangers (they made GWB the “face” of the ownership group, even though his share was minimal untl he was given the sweetheart deal.) when they made their sweetheart deal to get the new Ballpark at Arlington and promised “ballpark village” (sound eerily familiar, doesn’t it?) which never materialized and made Arlington, TX residents pay the highest per capita property taxes in the entire state of Texas.  It seems everything these guys are doing seem to be aimed, however remotely, at GOP propaganda, or furthering that cause.  I am surprised that they didn’t have Jim Talent singing the national anthem, but he cant sing, apparently, so, here are a few facts about the people he DID bring in to sing the anthems…

Billy Ray Cyrus (Game 5 – the clincher)  At one time Billy Ray Cyrus sang a song  "We The People," the working people’s anthem from Southern Rain, which  became the campaign theme song for President George W. Bush during his 2000 election campaign.  His father was a Kentucky Dem, and a former state Representative, but the son is not, died in the wool GOP. 

Trace Atkins (Game 3)  Adkins pled guilty to a drunk driving charge during 1996, and in 2004 he supported George W. Bush's re-election campaign, performing at the Republican National Convention.  Also died in the wool GOP.

The game 4 singer, Nikko Smith, son of former Cards shortstop Ozzie Smith, is the only person who could remotely be considered a Democrat, since the boy’s father has been supportive of, or sympathetic to, Democratic causes. 

Cardinals playoff memories...

Back in 1985, I was driving to a friend's house after leaving campus at Southwest Missouri State University, with the Cards/Dodgers playoff game on in the background.  It was the final game of the NLCS, and I was about to leave the car when I started listening with more interest.  Then Jack Clark came up.  I thought "Things are going to start getting interesting now."  I swore Lasorda was going to intentionally walk him.  After Clark's famous home run, I don’t think I ever screamed so loud or felt so proud.  Unfortunately, we lost the World Series that year, but, making it felt so good.

The horrible side to your star sign

Aries (March 21-April 19):  You're a tyrant, and that's one of your better qualities!  You don't finish anything you start.  You're so damn competitive that even if there's no competition you'll invent one in your head just so you can say "See! I won!  See how great I am?"

 

Taurus (April 20-May 20):  Your jealousy and possessiveness gets old REAL quick!  Nobody likes you because all you talk about is yourself, and you're boring.

 

Gemini (May 21-June 20):  You're a flake and you're two-faced.  You think the world owes you, and because of this attitude you'll be in debt the rest of your life.  You have no intention of growing up. 

 

Cancer (June 21-July 22):  You're a moody little bitch -- and that goes especially for the men!  You can't give a straightforward answer.  Stop your crying, you big baby!  Nobody cares!

 

Leo (July 23-August 22):  You're lazy and you expect everything to be handed to you on a silver platter.  You're always bitching about something.  You need to be knocked off the pedestal you put yourself on and realize the world does NOT revolve around you!

 

Virgo (August 23-September 22):  You need to quit picking apart other people's flaws and worry about your own.  After all, nobody asked you!  You put the "anal" in "analytical."  You're prude and prissy and you need to stop being so damn anal retentive!

 

Libra (September 23-October 22):  You're an airhead when it comes to money.  You can't make a decision and actually stick to it to save your life!  You are gullible and naive and don't learn from your mistakes.  You don't care about anything and you flirt too much.

 

Scorpio (October 23-November 21):  All you do is brood and lead a life of havoc.  You like to choose friends with low self-esteem that have more problems than you do.  It makes you feel powerful.  So do your "strings attached" favors.  You're too secretive and demanding -- and it pisses everyone off!

 

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21):  All you do is drink and gamble.  You have to rely on your luck because you have no skills.  Like Aries, you don't finish anything you start.  You can't commit to save your life!  You suck.

 

Capricorn (December 22-January 19):  Why don't you stop trying to manage everyone else's life and worry about your own!  Your need to control and meddle in other people's lives makes you very unpopular.

 

Aquarius (January 20-February 18):  You're so busy being busy that you don't do anything effectively, and your absent-mindedness doesn't help.  Jack of all trades, Master of none.  Why don't you go buy yourself some feelings you tactless robot!

 

Pisces (February 19-March 20):  How about some cheese with that whine!  You're a martyr in your own delusional world.  That could change if you only had an ounce of ambition!  You're probably already crying because you're too damn sensitive.

Daylight Saving Time

Don't forget to set your clocks " back " one hour before you go to bed this Saturday,  October 28^th, 2006  or at 1:59 a.m. Sunday morning October 30^th, 2006 - because DAYLIGHT SAVING TIME ENDS!

 

Daylight Saving (no "s") Time has been used in the United States and many European countries since World War One.  In an effort to conserve fuel, Germany and Austria began setting clocks ahead one hour during the spring months through the fall.  This 1916 action was immediately copied by 14 other European countries, including Britain.  The following year, Australia, Newfoundland, and Nova Scotia followed suite.  The plan was not adopted by the U.S. until 1918 but proved to be so unpopular that it was repealed by President Wilson in 1919.  DST became a local option and was continued in many states and cities.  During World War Two, President Roosevelt instituted year-round Daylight Saving Time, called "War Time".  After the War, and until 1966, there was no federal law about DST.  States and localities were free to chose whether to observe DST and could chose when it began and ended.  This, however, lead to mass confusion for the broadcasting industry, railways, airlines, and bus companies.  One example: On one 35 mile stretch of highway between Moundsville, West Virginia and Steubenville, Ohio, passengers would pass through seven time changes.  On April 12, 1966, President Johnson signed into law the Uniform Time Act.  This act established a system of uniform DST throughout the U.S., exempting only those states in which the legislatures voted to keep their state (or a portion of their state) on Standard Time.  In 1986 Ronald Reagan, made a small change to the current system where Daylight Saving Time takes place on the First Sunday in April (prior to Reagan it was the last Sunday) to the Last Sunday in Oct.  Daylight Saving Time is NOT observed in Hawaii, the Eastern Time Zone of Indiana or Arizona (with the exception of the Navajo Indian Reservation).

 

Date change in 2007

 

On August 8, 2005, President George W. Bush signed the Energy Policy Act of 2005.  This Act changed the time change dates for Daylight Saving Time in the U.S. Beginning in 2007, DST will begin on the second Sunday in March and end the first Sunday in November. The Secretary of Energy will report the impact of this change to Congress.  Congress retains the right to resume the 2005 Daylight Saving Time schedule once the Department of Energy study is complete.

 

2007

March 11 - Daylight Saving Time Begins

November 4 - Daylight Saving Time Ends

 

 

So remember "Spring" Forward---"Fall" Back!

 

A safety reminder

 

Many fire departments encourage people to change the battery in the smoke detector when they change their clocks because Daylight Saving Time provides a convenient reminder.  REMEMBER:  A working smoke detector more than doubles a person's chances of surviving a home fire!

 

So...change that battery!

 

INSTALLING HUSBAND 1.0

Dear Tech Support

 

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.  In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.4, and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.  Conversations 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.  I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.  What can I do? 

 

Signed,

Desperate

 ------------------------------

Dear Desperate:

 

First keep in mind; Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.  Please enter the command: "http: I Thought You Loved Me.html" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.  If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.  But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.  Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.  Whatever you do, DO NOT install  Mother-in-law 1.0 -- it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.  Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.  These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.  In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.  You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.  We recommend the Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7. 

 

Good Luck,

Tech Support

 

 

LETS GO CARDS! Here's some Mike Shannonisms

Let's go Cards.  Since my team's in the drivers seat at this time in the 2006 World Serious of Baseball, here are some quotes from our former player and present radio announcer, Mr. Mike Shannon....

 

Take it away, Mike! 

 

 

 

"This big standing-room only crowd is settling into their seats."

 

"It's raining like a Chinese fire drill!"

 

After former Cardinal Brian Jordan was hit by a pitch for the 4th time on a single road trip -- "Jordan must feel like a Ouija Board."

 

Referring to former Cardinal and University City, MO (a St Louis suburb) native Bernard Gilkey: "He was originally born in University City."

 

"He's faster than a chicken being chased by Ronald McDonald!"

 

Referring to former Phillies phenom and Hall of Famer Mike Schmidt: "The longtime, and soon-to-be, Hall-of-Famer."

 

Referring to former Japanese pitching phenom and imported Dodger Hideo Nomo: "He's the biggest thing to hit Japan since they dropped the bomb on Nagashima!"

 

"This game is off to a rather conspicuous start, don't you think, Jack?"

 

"Well, folks, this game began as a tiny worm, and is blossoming into a large cobra."

 

"That foul tip bounced up and caught him right in the groins...and that'll really clear your eyes out."

 

"A hit up the middle right now would be like a nice ham sandwich and a cold, frosty one."

 

Broadcasting from New York under a full moon: "I wish you folks back in St. Louis could see this moon."

 

On the day before Easter: "I just want to tell everyone 'Happy Easter and Happy Hanukkah."

 

"Things are not always as they appear to be as."

 

"Well, he did everything right to get ready for the throw, but if ya ain't got the hose, the water just won't come out."

 

"Our next homestand follows this road trip."

 

Referring to a home run by Ted Simmons: "And that's the bread on Simmons' butter."

 

"The right-hander is throwing up in the bullpen." (instead of "up throwing.")

 

"I've heard it said that if you know English, Spanish, Italian, and I think it's French, you can go just about anywhere in this world...except China where they have all those derelicts."

After a pause, Joe Buck suggested that Mike had meant to say "dialects."

Mike responded, "Yeah, dialects! That's what I mean...but they've got a lot of derelicts too!"

 

"He ran to second faster than a cat in Chinatown."

 

"I wouldn't have see it if I hadn't believed it."

 

"Don't bite off your head to spite your nose."

 

Joe Buck: "Mike, the Cardinals would like to welcome a group of 19 French foreign exchange students in Section 382."

Mike: "Where're they from, Joe?"

Joe: "Uhh, France, I think."

 

A couple of years back, Mike and Joe were discussing the unflattering photographs of players that had been flashed on the screen at another ballpark.  Mike's take on the quality of the photo selection was: "Some of those guys look like the picture was taken while they were seeing their first UFO."

After several seconds of laughter, Joe added, "As opposed to their second or third."

 

"The wind switched 360 degrees."

 

"Boy, a cold, frosty Budweiser would be great about now"...(long pause)...then an "ahhh"

 

Mike's classic: "Ol' Abner's done it again."

 

"It's raining so hard I thought it was going to stop."

 

"The crowd's on their feet for the Canadian Star Bangled Banner."

 

"Back in the day when I played, a pitcher had 3 pitches: a fastball, a curveball, a slider, a changeup and a good sinker pitch."

 

a marriage....

Two Antennas got married --  

Their wedding was not that big….. 

But the Reception was GREAT......

 

its an old joke but oh well....

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.  The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on it's face.  The egg, looking a bit disgusted, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

this apparently happened on British Airways. It reminds us that there's still this ugly aura of Racism that still exists...

A White woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a Black man.  Obviously disturbed by this, she called the air Hostess.
"Madam, what is the matter," the Hostess asked.  "You obviously do not see it then?" she responded. "You placed me next to a Black man - I  did not desire to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group so give me an alternative seat."

"Be calm please, " the Hostess replied. "Almost all the places on this flight are taken but I will go to see if another seat is available."

The Hostess went away and then came back a few minutes later. "Madam, just as I thought, there are no other available seats in the Economy class. I spoke to the Captain and he informed me that there are also no seats in the Business class.  All the same, we still have one seat in the First class."

Before the woman could say anything, the Hostess continued: "It is not usual for our company to permit someone from the Economy class to sit in the First class. However, given the circumstances, the Captain feels that it would be scandalous to make someone sit next to someone so disgusting." She then turned to the Black guy, and said, "Therefore, Sir, if you would like to, please collect your hand luggage, a seat awaits you in First class."  At that moment, the other passengers who were shocked by what they had just witnessed stood up and applauded.

 

Armed student is subdued in Joplin

One does not expect something like this to occur at one’s old high school, however, it can happen anywhere, folks.  No one is safe as long as high powered weapons of this type are allowed in the general populace.  This weapon would have been illegal had the Brady Bill been renewed in 2003.

 

JOPLIN, Mo. (AP) -- A student carrying an AK-47 assault rifle walked into Memorial Middle School this morning and fired a weapon, but did not hit anyone, police said. No injuries were reported.

The student is a 13-year-old boy whose name was withheld. He pointed the weapon at two students and Principal Steve Gilbreth and Assistant Superintendent Steve Doerr and asked them, "not to make me do this," said School Superintendent Jim Simpson.

The student then raised the weapon and fired a shot into the ceiling, breaking a water pipe. After firing the shot, he said again, "Please don't make me do this," Simpson said.

"It was a very close call," Simpson said.

Doerr and Gilbreth persuaded the student to leave the building, where he was met by two police officers who had their weapons drawn. The student dropped the rifle and was taken into custody, Simpson said.

Joplin police Officer Curt Farmer said officers had found a note in the student's backpack indicating that he had placed an explosive in the school, which has about 700 students. Students in the school were moved to nearby Joplin Memorial Hall, where parents were advised they could take them home.

Simpson said the school would be closed for the day while police searched the building.

The student was wearing a makeshift mask and had been planning an attack for a "long time," Simpson said.

Simpson said authorities did not know whether others were involved.

The shooting happened about 7:45 a.m., 10 minutes before school was to start.

A mother who was dropping her son off at the school refused to let him get out of the car when she saw Gilbreth "waving crazily" as police cars pulled up behind her.

Blake Spivak, former advertising director for The Joplin Globe, sat in her car with her son, Cooper, as Gilbreth walked back into the schoo,l flanked on either side by police carrying weapons and dressed in flack jackets.

"I couldn't have left if I wanted to," Spivak told the Globe. "Police were heading into the school with weapons drawn, and the principal was pointing to the east side of the school,"

Spivak said after about 10 minutes, a police officer had walked by her car and told her she needed to get down or get her car away from the scene.

"I managed to get to the parking lot where there were about 30 kids congregated," she said. "Parents were arriving to check on their kids."

Spivak said Gilbreth later had come out and gathered the students together to let them know the student with the gun had been arrested.

"He assured them that their friends were safe and that no one had been hurt," Spivak said. "The principal seemed very much in control and in command of the situation."

Joplin has about 40,900 residents and is in southwestern Missouri, on the Kansas border about 140 miles south of Kansas City.

Schools across the country have been on alert after three deadly school shootings in three states in the span of a week, and several schools have been locked down or closed entirely during the past two weeks because of threats.

In Pennsylvania Amish country Monday morning, church bells tolled across the region in remembrance of the five young girls who were shot to death at their one-room schoolhouse one week earlier.

HOW not to get invited to the next POT LUCK

Subject: HOW not to get invited to the next POT LUCK

 

Want to be forever eliminated from the guest list?  Just take this to your next "pot luck" dinner!!!

 

Kitty Litter Cake

(This is no joke)

 

READ THE INGREDIENTS AND STUFF FIRST AND THEN LOOK AT THE PHOTO

 

TRUST ME...

 

DON'T LOOK AT THE PHOTO FIRST, BUT LAST...

 

 

This is for all you cooks out there looking for something a little different.  WANT TO HAVE FUN AT A PARTY?  PREPARE THIS RECIPE!  COMPLETELY EDIBLE, BUT YOUR FRIENDS MAY NOT THINK SO!

 

On a recent visit to our veterinarian to get shots for our cat, I found this recipe on the waiting room bulletin board.  After recovering from hysterical laughter, I obtained a copy from the office staff so my wife could make it, which she refused to do.  I took it to work and gave the recipe to a lady at work who loves cats.  The pictures below show the results of her work.  It doesn't look very nice, but it's actually quite tasty, so I decided to pass it along.

 

CAKE INGREDIENTS:

1 box spice or German chocolate cake mix

1 box of white cake mix

1 package white sandwich cookies

1 large package vanilla instant pudding mix

3 drops green food coloring

12 small Tootsie Rolls or equivalent

 

SERVING DISHES AND UTENSILS

1 NEW cat-litter box

1 NEW cat-litter box liner

1 NEW pooper scooper

 

1) Prepare and bake cake mixes, according to directions, in any size pan.  Prepare pudding and chill.  Crumble cookies in small batches in blender or food processor.  Add a few drops of green food coloring to 1 cup of cookie crumbs.  Mix with a fork or shake in a jar and set aside.

 

2) When cakes are at room temperature, crumble them into a large bowl.  Toss with half of the remaining cookie crumbs and enough pudding to make the mixture moist but not soggy.  Place liner in litter box and pour in mixture.

 

3) Unwrap 3 Tootsie Rolls and heat in a microwave until soft and pliable.  Shape the blunt ends into slightly curved points.  Repeat with three more rolls.  Bury the rolls decoratively in the cake mixture.  Sprinkle remaining white cookie crumbs over the mixture, then scatter green crumbs lightly over top.

 

4) Heat 5 more Tootsie Rolls until almost melted.  Scrape them on top of the cake and sprinkle with crumbs from the "litter box".  Heat the remaining Tootsie Roll until pliable and hang it over the edge of the box.  Place box on a sheet of newspaper and serve with scooper.  Enjoy!