idiot sightings...

IDIOT SIGHTING:

We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two..'We haven't used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.. She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.' She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change..

Do not confuse the clerks at McD's..

IDIOT SIGHTING :

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

From Kingman , KS ..

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE :

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

From Kansas City

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' T o which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded,

'That's why we ask.'

Happened in Birmingham , Ala.

IDIOT SIGHTING :

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

IDIOT SIGHTING :

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to 'downsizing.' Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often..' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

IDIOT SIGHTING :

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less...

IDIOT SIGHTING

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!' His reply, 'I know.. I already got that side.' This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , MS

STAY ALERT! They walk among us... and the scary part is that they VOTE and they Reproduce

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, but...

There are approximately two billion children in the world, but since Santa does not visit Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist offspring, the workload for Christmas night is 15% of the total, or 378 million, and at an average rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.

Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, which works out to 967.7 visits per second – or for each Christian household with a good child, around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these stops is evenly distributed, we’re talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa’s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second or 3,000 times the speed of sound.

For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second and a conventional reindeer can run, at best, 15 miles per hour, so assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized 2-pound Lego set, the sleigh is carrying more than 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself.

On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the “flying” reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can’t be done with eight or even nine of them - Santa would need 360,000. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch), and 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth’s atmosphere. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, creating deafening sonic booms and vaporizing the entire team within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.

Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 mps in .001 seconds, would be subjected to a centrifugal force of 17,500 gs, meaning that a 250-pound Santa would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds, instantly reducing him to a jolly old quivering blob of pinkish goo.

Therefore, dear Virginia, if Santa ever did exist -- he’s long dead now.

This guys just plain NUTS!! :-)

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Fred is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and he reports for his first day promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new Employee. He complains that Fred is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Fred surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. He has a roll of plush Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as he cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Fred.

"I'm sorry," he says to Fred, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you Yesterday...Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."