Did you know that...

A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.

A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

A snail can sleep for three years.

Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand; “lollipop" with your right.

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

The Bible does not say there were three wise men; it only says there were three gifts.

The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.

The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).

There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."

There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.

Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.

 

Computer Tech Support funnies...

Computer Tech Support funnies…

This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills!

If you skip any, you have to read the last one!

 

=================================

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Female customer: A white one...

===============

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.

Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?

Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.

Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.

Customer: No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....

===============

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?

===============

 

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?

Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...

Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.

===============

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

 

===============

Customer: I have problems printing in red...

Tech support: Do you have a color printer?

Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

===============

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

===============

 

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.

Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: OK

Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?

Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...

===============

Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as n Victor, the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

===============

Customer: can't get on the Internet. Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five stars.

===============

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer: Netscape.

Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

===============

 

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

===============

Tech support: How may I help you?

Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

===============

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Canon Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

===============

And last but not least...

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."

Customer: I don't have a P.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: What do you mean? Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

 

Energy, strategy won state Senate race for Jeff Smith

Energy, strategy won state Senate race for Jeff Smith

By Jake Wagman

ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH

08/13/2006

Watching Jeff Smith's victory party, it was hard to tell whether he had won a race for the Legislature or for student council.

 

College-aged kids were drinking beer and chasing each other with water guns. A live band belted out "Freebird." And there was Smith - playing the drums.

 

St. Louis, meet your next state senator.

 

Smith, 32, faces no opposition in the general election in November. When he is sworn in next year, he will be the youngest member of the Missouri Senate. He also will be among the most liberal, and, at 5-foot-5, probably among the shortest.

 

Yet this week, Smith is standing tall atop the city's political stage, having delivered a convincing victory Tuesday in a crowded primary fraught with racial divides and negative campaigning. Even days after the polls closed, two of the candidates are still involved in a court battle over sample ballots.

 

"I'm honored, and I have huge shoes to fill," said Smith, who replaces veteran legislator Patrick Dougherty in the state's Fourth District. "I can't wait to get going."

 

Smith, a Democrat, exploded onto the political scene in 2004 with an insurgent campaign for Congress that nearly defeated U.S. Rep. Russ Carnahan. The effort spawned a documentary - "Can Mr. Smith Get to Washington Anymore?" - which, conveniently or not, was still playing at the Tivoli last week, in the final days of Smith's campaign. The screening has been extended into this week. Although the movie ended in his defeat, the congressional run gave Smith momentum for a happy sequel. One early supporter of Smith's Senate race was Francis R. Slay, the mayor's father and patriarch of the city's Democratic Party.

 

On Wednesday, Smith showed his gratitude by bringing Slay a bottle of wine.

Slay, in turn, put his arm around Smith and guided him in a victory lap of handshakes around the Cedars banquet hall. The hall, run by Slay, is the preferred Wednesday lunch spot among the city's politicos - especially the day after an election.

 

Many of those powerbrokers will be watching Smith's career closely.

Missouri Democrats, who are running recycled candidates for U.S. Senate and governor, are thirsting for a way to break the Republican's hold on the Legislature and governor's office. Expectations will be high as Smith seeks to convert the buzz surrounding his campaign into legislative victories.

 

Slay, for one, thinks Smith is up to the task.

 

"My mind was made up from the moment he ran against Carnahan," said Slay, whose early endorsement of Smith gave the campaign an immediate advantage.

"I said, 'There is no one else I can be for besides Jeff.'"

 

Smith graduated from Ladue Horton Watkins High, where he was co-valedictorian of his class. He's coached basketball at the boys club and tutored student athletes in the city. Though his charisma and stature have earned him comparisons to Bobby Kennedy, he's also been accused of being a "carpetbagger" for seeking to represent a district he moved into only last year.

 

One of Smith's keys to success was mixing old-school, retail politics - such as door-knocking and paying homage to traditional party leaders such as Slay - with a youthful enthusiasm. While canvassing, he would literally run from house to house to greet more voters before the sun went down. It was that energy that helped attract many young supporters.

 

"You listen to the guy for two minutes and you can hear how excited he is,"

said Paul Moinester, 20, a Washington University student from Memphis who worked on the campaign.

 

Smith's Senate bid was fueled by a dozen young interns and more than 200 volunteers. Many were college students or recent graduates whom Smith, a political science instructor, had taught. They wore flip-flops and shorts and dined on pizza and Chinese food.

 

But the campaign's summer-camp feel belied a meticulous organization that reached out to nearly every corner of the district.

 

Interns were appointed field organizers and assigned wards. They answered to a field director. He answered to the campaign manager, who in turn answered to Smith. Potential supporters had delivered to their door before Election Day cards with their name and polling site on it. Those who did not vote by midday received a friendly phone call reminding them to head to the polls.

 

The campaign was influenced by techniques Smith learned from working the Iowa caucuses, where every vote is vital.

 

"People want personal contact," Smith said last week. "They don't want anonymous automated phone calls."

 

Smith says his Senate campaign staff knocked on tens of thousands of doors in less than three months, braving high temperatures and inclement weather.

 

"It's 110 degrees and we're outside going door to door and doing lit drops in north city," said Meggie Devereux, 22, a recent Mizzou graduate, who worked on getting votes for Smith in St. Louis Hills.

 

"We put our blood, sweat and tears into it," she said.

 

Smith himself was bitten by a dog while campaigning in, of all places, Dogtown. Even with a bandaged hand, he stopped along the campaign trail to challenge neighborhood children on the basketball court. He later hosted a hoops tournament fundraiser. (Smith worked on the presidential campaign of Bill Bradley, the former U.S. senator who played for the New York Knicks.)

 

Another volunteer, Dave Zucker, said Smith had told workers not to wipe away the sweat and rain while campaigning - it showed their dedication.

 

"It underlined the spirit of the campaign," said Zucker, a political science major at Washington University. "We are working hard, and we shouldn't be afraid to show people."

 

Before he heads to Jefferson City, Smith will teach a fall course at Washington University: PoliSci 341, "American Electoral Politics."

 

"I imagine," said Zucker, "There are going to be some good stories for the kids in that class."

 

The reporter of this article can be reached at jwagman@post-dispatch.com

 

another useless survey...take it if you want to and forward back if you want to its all up to you.

Subject: another useless survey...take it if you want to and forward
back if you want to its all up to you.

I keep getting these damn things on myspace, so I thought I would share
some more...

The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about
those who know you.

1. Start Time: 6:49pm
2. Name: David
3. Nickname: Spaz, Geek, Dolt, Astro, whatever you wanna call me is ok
4. Astrology sign: Pisces
5. Gender: Male
7. Hair color: brown
8. Eye color: blue
9. Favorite color: blue
10. Glasses: yes
11. tattoos: no
12. birthplace: Missouri
13. Area code: 314
14. Siblings names: Bill, Gail, Peter, Paul, Stephen

******HAVE YOU EVER*****

15. Cut your own hair? no
16. Did something in the past month that you will regret? yes
17. Have you ever met someone you were not supposed to? no
18. Skipped school? not really
19. Bungee jumped? No
20. Punched someone? no
21. Cheated on someone? never physically but I cant say that I havent,
as President Carter once put it, had "lust in my heart."
22. Been arrested? yes
23. Broken into someone's house? in a way, described in another survey
that is on this blog
24. Been rejected? yes
25. Been to a funeral? yes
26. Used a lighter? yes but I don't smoke
27. Been on stage? in high school, college and at work

*****FAVORITE*****

28. Season: spring or fall
29. Food: Chinese
30. Ice cream flavor: Tin Roof Sundae (chocolate covered peanuts in
vanilla ice cream w/hot fudge), or Moose Tracks.
31. School subject(s): Geography or Physics
32. Candy: Mr Goodbar
33. Breakfast cereal: Captain Crunch Peanut Butter
34. Book(s): Lately anything by Michael Moore or Al Franken but I also
love the classic 1984
35. Movie(s): Star Wars films, i key on more the director most times...
36. Song(s): Anything by REM or Matthew Sweet lately
37. Park: Grand Canyon
38. State: New Mexico lately
39. Place: no place like home
40. Sport to watch on TV: hockey football or baseball
41. Letter(s): This blog is sponsored by the letter C
42. Favorite fast food restaurant?: Taco Bell
43. Disney Princess: no comment
44. TV station: Discovery Channel
45. Name for a son: Pierre
46. Name for a daughter: Genievieve

******DO YOU PREFER*****

47. Chocolate or Vanillia? fudge ripple
48. Alcoholic or non? non
49. Long relationships or one night stands? Relationships
50. Dogs or cats? Cats
51. Scary movies or comedies? comedy
52. Short or long hair? long
53. croutons or bacon bits? I prefer croutons

******FIRST THINGS THAT COME TO MIND******

54. Mexicans: tacos
55. School: learning
56. Cows: hamburger
57. Canada: love it
58. Mouse: eek
59. Hand: hold

*****THE PAST 3 DAYS, HAVE YOU*****

60. Talked on the phone? yes
61. Watched a movie? yes
62. Cried? yes
63. Choked? no
64. Drank a glass of water? yes
65. Done Drugs? Nope (unless prescription drugs count that I have been
legally prescribed by a physician)
66. Read a book or magazine? yes
67. Watched TV? yes
68. Looked in the mirror? yes
69. Taken a shower? yes
70. Taken a picture? yes
71. Listened to music? yes
72. Told someone you liked them? yes (the wifeoid and little griggling)
73. end time: 7:00pm

Look, another survey!

BASICS

Name: Dave

Single or Taken: Taken/Married

Happy about that: most of the time
Eye color: blue

Shoe size: 13

Height: 6'0"

What are you wearing right now?: jeans and a t-shirt

FAVORITES

Kind of pants: Comfortable

Animal: cat

Drink: Pepsi

Month: March (my birthday month)

Juice: Grape

Favorite cartoon: Looney Tunes

HAVE YOU EVER:

Given anyone a bath: yes - my son

Bungee Jumped? No

Made yourself throw-up? Yes

Skinny dipped? unfortunately, no
Loved someone so much it made you cry? yes - in fact I still do...

Broken a bone? Yes

Played truth or dare: no

Been in a physical fight: Yes

Been on a plane: Yes

Came close to dying: Yes

Been in a hot tub: no

Fallen asleep in school: Yes

Ran away: no

Cried when someone died: Yes

Fell off your chair: Yes

Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: Yes

Saved AIM conversations: yes - all the time

Made out with JUST a friend?: no

Used someone: depends on what the defnition of is is...

WHAT IS:

Beside you: kid's toys

Last thing you ate: Homemade tacos

EVER HAD:

Chicken pox: Yes

Sore throat: Yes

Stitches: yes

Broken nose: No

DO YOU:

Believe in love at first sight: yes

Long distant relationships: they dont work trust me. No

Like school: yes

Question yourself: all the time

Who was the last person that called you?: bill collector

Who makes you smile the most: the wifeoid and the little griggling

Do you like filling these out: not really, but i do

Do you wear contact lenses or glasses: glasses

Do you get along with your family: kinda sorta, not really

MORE QUESTIONS:

What did you do yesterday: worked

What car/truck do you wish to have: Mini

Have a lava lamp: No

How many remote controls are in your house? too many

Are you double jointed? yes

When you last showered: Yesterday

Scary or funny movies? funny

Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate

Rootbeer or Dr.Pepper: Root Beer (dont like Dr P or its evil coke
knockoff Mr Pibb)

Summer or winter: Spring

Silver or Gold:Gold

Diamond or pearl: diamonds

Sprite or 7up: 7Up - Sprite is by coke and coke is EVIL

Coffee or tea: tea

Phone or in person: phone

TODAY DID YOU:

Talk to someone you liked: was called for jury duty so, I spoke to
people I didnt know.

Buy something: yes - lunch downtown

Get sick: no

Talked to an ex: no

Miss someone: yeah, I guess I do sorta...

LAST PERSON WHO:

Slept in your bed: Me the wifeoid and the little griggling.

Saw/heard you cry: the wifeoid

Made you cry: the wifeoid and the little griggling

Went to the movies with: the wifeoid and little griggling

Said "I Love You" to: the wifeoid and the little griggling

Ever been in a fight with your pet: yes LOL

RANDOM:

Do you have a crush on someone right now? yes, my wife, have had since
I met her.

What book are you reading now: history books on Byzantium and the
Ottoman Empire.

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: yes, a knockoff of Mr. Bean's bear
that was given to me as a christmas gift from my in-laws.
What's under your bed: cat hair

Favorite sports to watch: hockey, football, baseball

Favorite Locations: Arizona, New Mexico

Tattoos or piercings: none and wont ever

What are you most scared of right now?: losing everything

Who do you really hate?: bills

Do you have a job?: yes

Have you ever liked someone you didn't have a chance with: yes

Are you lonely right now?: sometimes yes, sometimes no

Song that's stuck in your head right now?: Nothing really right now -
usually an REM song or Matthew Sweet sometimes, or something like that....

Have you ever played strip poker: nope

Have you ever gotten beat up? yes
Have you ever been on radio/TV: TV and radio both mostly when I was in
college.

Have you ever been in a mosh-pit: yes

Ever liked someone, but thought they never noticed?: yes

What color is your underwear right now? tighty whities...THE ONLY WAY
TO GO!!!

Whats the first things you notice about the opposite sex? (and I do
really) eyes

Your Favorite Food?: Chinese

Ever get so drunk you dont remember?: nope

Are you too shy to ask someone out?: yes

Hugs or Kisses?: both

Dogs or cats?: cats

Favorite Flower?: lilac

Have you ever fired a gun? yes

How many pillows do you sleep with?: 2

Do you think any of your ex's miss you: I feel the answer is no...

Look a survey..

The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known
facts about those who know you.

1. Start Time: 6:49pm
2. Name: David
3. Nickname: Spaz, Geek, Dolt, Astro, whatever you wanna call me is ok
4. Astrology sign: Pisces
5. Gender: Male
7. Hair color: brown
8. Eye color: blue
10. Favorite color: blue
11. Glasses: yes
13. tattoos: no
14. birthplace: Missouri
15. Area code: 314
16. Siblings names: Bill, Gail, Peter, Paul, Stephen
******HAVE YOU EVER*****

17. Cut your own hair? no

18. Did something in the past month that you will regret? yes

19. Have you ever met someone you were not supposed to? no

20. Skipped school? not really

22. Bungee jumped? No

24. Punched someone? no

25. Cheated on someone? never physically but I cant say that I havent,
as President Carter once put it, had "lust in my heart."

26. Been arrested? yes

27. Broken into someone's house? in a way, described in another survey
that is on this blog

30. Been rejected? yes

31. Been to a funeral? yes

32. Used a lighter? yes but I don't smoke

33. Been on stage? in high school, college and at work

*****FAVORITE*****

34. Season: spring or fall
35. Food: Chinese
36. Ice cream flavor: Tin Roof Sundae (chocolate covered peanuts in
vanilla ice cream w/hot fudge, or Moose Tracks.
37. School subject(s): Geography or Physics
38. Candy: Mr Goodbar
39. Breakfast cereal: Captain Crunch Peanut Butter
41. Book(s): Lately anything by Michael Moore or Al Franken but I also
love the classic 1984
42. Movie(s): Star Wars films, i key on more the director most times...
43. Song(s): Anything by REM or Matthew Sweet lately
44. Park: Grand Canyon
45. State: New Mexico lately
46. Place: no place like home
47. Sport to watch on TV: hockey football or baseball
50. Letter(s): This blog is sponsored by the letter C
51. Favorite fast food restaurant?: Taco Bell
52. Disney Princess: no comment
53. TV station: Discovery Channel
54. Name for a son: Pierre
55. Name for a daughter: Genievieve
******DO YOU PREFER*****

56. Chocolate or Vanillia? fudge ripple
57. Alcoholic or non? non
58. Long relationships or one night stands? Relationships
59. Dogs or cats? Cats
60. Scary movies or comedies? comedy
61. Short or long hair? long
62. croutons or bacon bits? I prefer croutons

******FIRST THINGS THAT COME TO MIND******

64. Mexicans: tacos
65. School: learning
67. Cows: hamburger
68. Canada: love it
69. Mouse: eek
70. Hand: hold
*****THE PAST 3 DAYS, HAVE YOU*****

71. Talked on the phone? yes
72. Watched a movie? yes
73. Cried? yes
74. Choked? no
75. Drank a glass of water? yes
76. Done Drugs? Nope (unless prescription drugs count that I have been
legally prescribed by a physician)
77. Read a book or magazine? yes
78. Watched TV? yes
79. Looked in the mirror? yes
80. Taken a shower? yes
81. Taken a picture? yes
82. Listened to music? yes
84. Told someone you liked them? yes (the wifeoid and little griggling)
85. end time: 7:00pm

Airline laughs!

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

 
1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

 
2. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

 
3. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have.

 
4. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"
 
5. "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

 
6. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

 
7. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as anything, everything has shifted."

 
8. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to  Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised." 

 
9. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

 
10. "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

 
11. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

 
12. "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

 
13. And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

 
14. Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."

 
15. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo , Texas , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo . Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

 
16. Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

 
17. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down? " 

 
18. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix , the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

 
19. Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."

 
20. Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and Gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."

 
21. A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles . The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"

 

Describe each using only one word

Describe each using only one word & try to use only one word.  Its harder than you think!

1.)  Yourself:   Broke

2.)  Your hair: WILD

3.)  Your Mother:  Angel

4.)  Your Father:  Dead and/or Violent

5.)  Your Favorite Item:  PC

6.)  Your dream last night: depressing

7.)  Your Favorite Drink: Pepsi

8.)  Your Dream Home:   Paid For

9.)  The Room You Are In: Noisy

10.)  Your Ex:  California

11.)  Your fear:  Death

12.)  Where you Want to be in Ten Years?  Comfortable

13.)  Who you hung out with last night?   Family

14.)  What You're Not:  Rich

15.)  Your Best Friend:  Charlie (son)

16.)  One of Your Wish List Items:  Laptop

17.)  The Last Thing You Did:  Eat

18. )  What You Are Wearing:  Clothes

19.)  Your Favorite Weather:  Spring or Fall

20.)  Your Favorite book:  1984

21.)  Last Thing You Ate:  Chinese

22.)  Your Life:  Sucks

23.)  Bush: Idiot

24.)  Emo kids:  Morrissey
 
25.)  Dead babies:  Jokes

26.)  Your future:  Uncertain

27.)  Your confidence level:  shaken

28.)  Roses:  Thorns

29.)  Christmas:  Broke

30.)  Your birthday:  40 (ugh!)

31.)  The year 1990:  unemployed

32.)  Highschool:  ok

33.)  Your brother/sister:  heavy

34.)  Last night:  rocked

35.)  This morning:  sucked

36.)  Tonight:  will rock

37.)  Tomorrow:  will suck (back to work)

38.)  Yesterday:  Rocked

39.)  The world:  hopeless

40.)  MTV:  Music?

41.)  VH1:  Music? 

42.)  Your wedding:  quaint

43.)  Mowing the lawn:  sucks

44.)  Playing in the snow: rocks

45.)  Texas:  hot

46.)  Arizona:  beautiful

47.)  SHAQ:  tall

48.)  The Spurs:  jingle (actual spurs) almost (team)

The Geography of the different sexes...

The Geography Of A Woman:
Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild,
and naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.
Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to
trade especially for someone with cash. Between 31 and 35 she is like
India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36
and 40 a woman is like France - Gently going but still a warm and
desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia,
lost the war - haunted by past mistakes - massive reconstruction is now
necessary. Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders
are unpatrolled & the frigid climate keeps people away. Between 61 and
70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all conquering past
but alas, no future. After 70, they become Afghanistan - most everyone
knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

The Geography Of A Man:
Between 15 and 70 a man is like The U.S. under President Nixon -- ruled
by a dick.

How Popular is your last name?

http://www.pbs.org/pov/pov2001/thesweetestsound/popularityindex.html

How popular is your last name in the USA? As the old translator asked
Indy Jones....Come...Look...see...

4 THINGS you may not have known about me.....

A.)  Four jobs I have had in my life:        
1.)  Centerre Bank - Microfilm/Microfiche Records Dept.
2.)  St. Anthony's Hospital - Purchasing Dept.
3.)  Wherenberg Theaters - Projectionist
4.)  Enterprise Rent-A-Car - 800 Telephone Operator

B.)  Four movies I would watch over and over:
1.)  Airplane!
2.)  Time Bandits
3.)  Any Muppet movie
4.)  Heavy Metal

C.)  Four Places I have lived....
1.)  St Louis, MO
2.)  Kansas City, MO
3 )  Joplin, MO
4.)  Springfield, MO

D.)  Four TV shows I love to watch:    
1.)  Mythbusters
2.)  The Crocodile Hunter
3.)  The Daily Show w/Jon Stewart
4.)  Battlestar Galactica

E.)  Four places I have been on vacation:
1.)  Chicago, IL
2.)  Toronto, ON in Canada
3.)  Dayton OH
4.)  Galveston/Houston, TX

F.)  Four websites I visit daily:
1.)  yahoo.com
2.)  myspace.com or Blogger.com (more Blogger.com than Myspace anymore...)
3.)  Enterprise.com
4.)  stltoday.com

G.)  Four of my favorite foods:
1.)  Chicken (any kind - prefer Honey BBQ Wings!!)
2.)  Kraft mac-n-cheese
3.)  Cottage Cheese (large curd only!)
4.)  Hamburger Helper/Chicken Helper

H.)  Four places I'd rather be right now:  
1.)  at home
2.)  in air conditioning/heating (depending on if its damn hot or damn cold outside)
3.)  online blogging
4.)  cooking
                
I.)  Four friends I think will respond:
1.)  I
2.)  have
3.)  no
4.)  idea

Now, here's what you're supposed to do... And please do not spoil the fun.  Copy and paste into a new email.  Delete my answers and type in your answers.  Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know INCLUDING the person who sent it to you.  The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about those who know you.  Remember to send it back to the person who sent it to you.

Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about One Another

I was pegged by someone, so…
Dave's Answers:

1.)  If you were to choose a new name for yourself, what would it be?  I would just add the phrase "I can't believe it's not..." in front of it.  Or better yet, "I can't believe it is..."    

2.)  If you were given an extra $10 in change at Walmart, what would you do with it and why?  I don't shop there, so, say K-Mart or Target.  If it were there, and it was not in the cashier's area, I would pocket it.  Else give it back.

3.)  What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned from your past relationships?  Love endures a whole lot, sometimes.  Sometimes it doesn't.

4.)  What’s one of your worst habits?   I am extremely shy and very standoffish until one gets to know me.  Then I have been told I can be waaay too friendly, sometimes.  But, I try to keep these extremes under check. 

5.)  What was the best day of the past week for you - why?   Anytime I can spend with my family

6.)  What are you wearing today which is most reflective of who you are?  Corporate clothing that I purchased on the cheap.  Clothes do not make the man, the mans parents made the man.  You see, clothes and me, we just don't get along proper...

7.)  Choose a unique item from your purse/ wallet and explain why you carry it around.   A picture of my father and a GlamourShots picture of my wife.  Because I really really love my wife and because I want to remember my dad but I dont want to be like him.

8.)  If you could change one thing about your physical appearance, besides weight, what would it be and why?  Generally thank the makers that I have been healthy.  There is really nothing I would change.  I am basically comfortable with who and what I am right now.

9.)  Share one of your most embarrassing moments.  I was arrested wandering into an abandoned, storm-damaged house when I was 11.  The house was on my paper route and I was always curious as to why and such that it never had lights on and never seemed to be occupied.  This was like the late 1970's, and the calendars in the house hadn't been turned since 1968.  I have a police record due to this - breaking and entering is what they charged me with - but I was successfully defended.

10.)  If you were given a million dollars and 24 hours to spend it in, (no depositing it)  what would you do with it?  Get out of debt - pay off all my credit cards.  Help my brother and mother out of their situations.  Then go out and buy a house in the Clifton Heights area or St Louis Hills or even the CWE, give a little to the Democratic Party to get more Democrats elected nationwide, and give some to various causes dear to my heart (public tv, public radio, the St Louis Zoo, Science Center, etc.)

11.)  Where do you see yourself in 10 years?  Right here - I didn't think that I would be here 10 years ago - I have no idea so...

13.)  Are you generally organized or messy?   I am a mess, extreme mess, but I know mostly where all my stuff is, kinda, sorta....

15.)  Person closest to you that has passed away?  My Dad 2/28/06 at 80 years of age.  My Grandmother on her birthday when I was 14 4/28/82.

16.)  Who was your one true love in High School? (and why?)  Well, you never think that the first "love" would qualify, but there was this girl Debbie Krumsick, who I dated in HS (late Freshman year) and there was this attraction there, etc., etc....then nothing till college.

17.)  Favorite Teacher?  I have so many - Mr Cook, history teacher in 8th grade, who introduced me to the world of RPG's.  Mr. Hoffman, history teacher in HS, who in the reddest of red areas was never afraid to have us show that we were blue.  Mr. Diamond, journalism teacher, who showed all of us how to ask questions and how to dig for stories.  Ms. Hollandsworth, French teacher, for, well, being a brand new teacher fresh outta college who looked damn fine (wonder why I didn’t learn much…)  Mr Spraley, Latin teacher, who tried to instill disipline and accuracy in translation and life.  Mr. Lowe, English teacher, for the same reasons as Mr. Hoffman.  Mr and Mrs. Brown, Mr Brown for Chemistry, and Mrs Brown for English, who were a dear sweet couple (he was a scuba instructor, and they were married under water!) and great teachers.  Mr. Brown threw a whole can of ether onto a sleepy student's desk (he did this every year at the beginning of the school year in advanced chemistry) and we all watched them go down in a heap on their desk.  Mrs Brown and Mrs Acker, English teachers, for their insights and instruction on the fine art of writing.  

18.)  If you could choose any other job in the world, other than what you do, what would it be?  I would be a thoroughbred horse on a stud farm...

19.)  If you had $100.00 to leave in your will to any organization, who would get the money?  Public broadcasting - because of the joy I have received working in and working with people involved in that industry.

A farm kid at the San Diego Marine Corps Recruit Training Center writes home during basic...

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well.  Hope you are.  Tell brother Walt and brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile.  Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.  I was restless at first because you have to stay in bed till nearly 6 AM, but I am getting so I like to sleep late.  Tell Walt and Elmer all you got to do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things.  No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay.  Practically nothing.  Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.  Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee.  Their food plus yours holds you till noon when you get fed again.

It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.  We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us.  If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different.  A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home.  Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.  The country is nice but awful flat.  The sergeant is like a school teacher.  He nags a lot.  The Captain is like the school board.  Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown.  They don't bother you none.  This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing.  I keep getting medals for shooting.  I don't know why.  The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home.  

All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it.  You don't even load your own cartridges.  They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training.  You get to wrestle with them city boys.  I have to be real careful though, they break real easy.  It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home.  I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake.  I only beat him once.  He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join up before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,
Carol

Short but sweet humor to brighten your day

One day a woman dialed a number and got the following recording:
"I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the
beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."

_______________________

At pilots training back in the Air Corps they taught us the following:
"Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number
of take-offs you make."
_______________________

Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friend's house. Knowing
his sweet tooth, Tommy's mother looked straight into his eyes and said,
"I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake."

"No," said Little Tommy, "but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you
could make some like it, and she gave me two more pieces without asking."

________________________

an all time Favorite: Aspire to inspire before you expire.
________________________

As my five year old son and I were headed to McDonald's one day, we
passed a car accident. Usually when we see something terrible like that,
we say a prayer for those who might be hurt, so I pointed and said to my
son, "We should pray."

From the back seat I heard his earnest request: "Please, God, don't
let those cars block the entrance to McDonald's."
________________________

Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
________________________

Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without
forgetting.
________________________

The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your
way around, you're not going anywhere.
________________________

I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to
find one.
________________________

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.