Jack, Bob and a recent widow...

On a whim one day, Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's mini-van and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend. He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"

"Yes, I do," said Bob.

"Did you, err, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?" said Jack.

"Well, um, yes!," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out,"I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy..

I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything..."

giving birth..

A masked stranger pulls you out of your warm place and spanks you on the butt at midnight, there’s blood and lots of screaming and this thing comes out later that looks alien and mysterious that you’ve been sharing a room with for the past 9 months, depending on your view point you either:

a.) immediately contact a lawyer and sue the doctor for abuse (depending on the lawyer, you receive power of attorney by age 2…)

b.) think “Damn, what a party!” Get you a drink and partner and start gettin’ down to the beat of the heart monitor…

c.) think happy thoughts, then start crying once you see the afterbirth…

d.) (only if mom’s been juicing on steroids or is named Sarah Palin or both..) come out looking like Ahnund complete with all upper body goin’ on there, with bandoliers of ammo, 2 AK-47’s which just happened to be there, and a water pistol and start kickin’ ass and takin’ names, yet still get completely stammered on your behind by the baby in the next room, then leave for absolutely no good freakin’ reason....

e.) (only if mom was Chuck Norris) realize that you’ve entered the universe in a mysterious way since Mom’s a guy, but a guy who can do ANYTHING apparently and then just stare out in awe of it all, til the doctor tries to spank you and you roundhouse kick him through the wall and into the next room and the room beyond that…

f.) look around, say, “aw…screw this!” and fight like hell to get back in….

g.) say, “Well, that's done...”, force a smile, make a saluting gesture with your right hand, and say “I'm OUTTA HERE...”

Pinky and the Brain ARE YOU PONDERING WHAT I'M PONDERING...

Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?

In every episode, Brain asks Pinky the question "Are you pondering what I'm pondering?" Pinky's various responses are:

"I think so, Brain, but where are we going to find a duck and a hose at this hour?"

"I think so, but where will we find an open tattoo parlor at this time of night?"

"Wuh, I think so, Brain, but if we didn't have ears, we'd look like weasels."

"Uh... yeah, Brain, but where are we going to find rubber pants our size?"

"Uh, I think so, Brain, but balancing a family and a career ... ooh, it's all too much for me."

"Wuh, I think so, Brain, but isn't Regis Philbin already married?"

"Wuh, I think so, Brain, but burlap chafes me so."

"Sure, Brain, but how are we going to find chaps our size?"

"Uh, I think so, Brain, but we'll never get a monkey to use dental floss."

"Uh, I think so Brain, but this time, you wear the tutu."

"I think so, Brain, but culottes have a tendency to ride up so."

"I think so, Brain, but if we covered the world in salad dressing wouldn't the aspargus feel left out?"

"I think so, Brain, but if they called them 'Sad Meals', kids wouldn't buy them!"

"I think so, Brain, but me and Pippi Longstocking -- I mean, what would the children look like?"

"I think so, Brain, but what would Pippi Longstocking look like with her hair straight?"

"I think so, Brain, but this time you put the trousers on the chimp."

"Well, I think so, Brain, but I can't memorize a whole opera in Yiddish."

"I think so, Brain, but there's still a bug stuck in here from last time."

"Uh, I think so, Brain, but I get all clammy inside the tent."

"I think so, Brain, but I don't think Kaye Ballard's in the union."

"Yes, I am!"

"I think so, Brain, but, the Rockettes? I mean, it's mostly girls, isn't it?"

"I think so, Brain, but pants with horizontal stripes make me look chubby."

"Well, I think so -POIT- but where do you stick the feather and call it macaroni?"

"Well, I think so, Brain, but pantyhose are so uncomfortable in the summertime."

"Well, I think so, Brain, but it's a miracle that this one grew back."

"Well, I think so, Brain, but first you'd have to take that whole bridge apart, wouldn't you?"

"Well, I think so, Brain, but 'apply North Pole' to what?"

"I think so, Brain, but 'Snowball for Windows'?"

"Well, I think so, Brain, but snort no, no, it's too stupid!"

"Umm, I think so, Don Cerebro, but, umm, why would Sophia Loren do a musical?"

"Umm, I think so, Brain, but what if the chicken won't wear the nylons?"

"I think so, Brain, but isn't that why they invented tube socks?"

"Well, I think so Brain, but what if we stick to the seat covers?"

"I think so Brain, but if you replace the 'P' with an 'O', my name would be Oinky, wouldn't it?"

"Oooh, I think so Brain, but I think I'd rather eat the Macarena."

"Well, I think so hiccup, but Kevin Costner with an English accent?"

"I think so, Brain, but don't you need a swimming pool to play Marco Polo?"

"Well, I think so, Brain, but do I really need two tongues?"

"I think so, Brain, but we're already naked."

Brain: We eat the box?

"Well, I think so, Brain, but if Jimmy cracks corn, and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?"

"I think so, Brain NARF, but don't camels spit a lot?"

"I think so, Brain, but how will we get a pair of Abe Vigoda's pants?"

"I think so, Brain, but Pete Rose? I mean, can we trust him?"

"I think so, Brain, but why would Peter Bogdanovich?"

"I think so, Brain, but isn't a cucumber that small called a gherkin?"

"I think so, Brain, but if we get Sam Spade, we'll never have any puppies."

"I think so, Larry, and um, Brain, but how can we get seven dwarves to shave their legs?"

"I think so, Brain, but calling it pu-pu platter? Huh, what were they thinking?"

"I think so, Brain, but how will we get the Spice Girls into the paella?"

"I think so, Brain, but if we give peas a chance, won't the lima beans feel left out?"

"I think so, Brain, but I am running for mayor of Donkeytown and Tuesdays are booked." From an early Kids' WB intro.

"I think so, Brain, but if we had a snowmobile, wouldn't it melt before summer?"

"I think so, Brain, but what kind of rides do they have in Fabioland?"

"I think so, Brain, but can the Gummi Worms really live in peace with the Marshmallow Chicks?"

"Wuh, I think so, Brain, but wouldn't anything lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?"

"I think so, Brain, but three round meals a day wouldn't be as hard to swallow."

"I think so, Brain, but if the plural of mouse is mice, wouldn't the plural of spouse be spice?"

"Umm, I think so, Brain, but three men in a tub? Ooh, that's unsanitary!"

"Yes, but why does the chicken cross the road, huh, if not for love? I do not know."

"Wuh, I think so, Brain, but I prefer Space Jelly."

"Yes Brain, but if our knees bent the other way, how would we ride a bicycle?"

"Wuh, I think so, Brain, but how will we get three pink flamingos into one pair of Capri pants?"

Snowball: "Oh Brain, I certainly hope so."

"I think so, Brain, but Tuesday Weld isn't a complete sentence."

"I think so, Brain, but why would anyone want to see Snow White and the Seven Samurai?"

Pinky: I think so, Brain, but then my name would be Thumby.

Brain: In a perfect world, your name would be Dummy!

"I think so, Brain, but I find scratching just makes it worse."

"I think so, Brain, but shouldn't the bat boy be wearing a cape?"

"I think so, Brain, but why would anyone want a depressed tongue?"

"Um, I think so, Brainie, but why would anyone want to Pierce Brosnan?"

"Methinks so, Brain, verily, but dost thou think Pete Rose by any other name would still smell as sweaty?"

"I think so, Brain, but wouldn't his movies be more suitable for children if he was named Jean-Claude van Darn?"

"Wuh, I think so, Brain, but will they let the Cranberry Duchess stay in the Lincoln Bedroom?"

"I think so, Brain, but why does a forklift have to be so big if all it does is lift forks?"

"I think so, Brain, but if it was only supposed to be a three hour tour, why did the Howells bring all their money?"

"I think so, Brain, but Zero Mostel times anything will still give you Zero Mostel."

"I think so, Brain, but if we have nothing to fear but fear itself, why does Eleanor Roosevelt wear that spooky mask?"

"I think so, Brain, but what if the hippopotamus won't wear the beach thong?"

"Um, I think so, Brain-2, but a show about two talking lab mice? Hoo! It'll never get on the air."

"I think so, Brain, but Lederhosen won't stretch that far."

"Yeah, but I thought Madonna already had a steady bloke!"

"I think so, Brain, but what would goats be doing in red leather turbans?"

"I think so, Brain... but how would we ever determine Sandra Bullock's shoe size?"

"Yes, Brain, I think so. But how do we get Twiggy to pose with an electric goose?"

Pinky: I think so, Brain. But if I put on two tutu's, would I really be wearing a four-by-four?

Brain: Why do I even bother asking?

Pinky: I dunno, Brain. Maybe it's all part of some huge, cosmic plot formula!

"I think so, Brain, but wouldn't mustard make it sting?"

"I think so, Brain, but can you usee the word 'asphalt' in polite society?"

Pinky: I think so, Brain! (Sprays his breath)

Brain: Er... then again, let's not let our enthusiasm overwhelm us!

"I think so, Mr. Brain, but if the sun'll come out tomorrow, what's it doing right now?"

"I think so, Brain, but aren't we out of shaving cream?"

"Oh yes, Brain! Remind me to tape all our phone calls!"

"Um, I think so, Brain, but I hear Hillary is the jealous type."

"I think so, Brain, but Madonna's stock is sinking."

"I think so, Brain. But does 'Chunk o' Cheesy's' deliver packing material?"

"I think so, Brainwulf, but if we're Danish, where's the cream cheese? Narf!"

"I think so, Bwain, but I don't think newspaper will fit in my underoos."

"Uh, I think so, Brain--but after eating newspaper all day, do I really need the extra fiber?"

"I think so, Brain! But isn't a dreadlock hair extension awfully expensive?"

"I think so, Brain. But will anyone other than Eskimos buy blubber-flavored chewing gum?"

"I think so, Brain, but the ointment expired weeks ago!"

"I think so, Brain. But would the villains really have gotten away with it, if it weren't for those pesky kids and their dog?"

"Uh, I think so Brain, but how are we gonna teach a goat to dance with flippers on?"

"Wuhh... I think so, Brain! But let's use safflower oil this time! It's ever so much healthier!"

"Wuh... I think so, Brain. But Cream of Gorilla Soup—well, we'd have to sell it in awfully big cans, wouldn't we?"

"I think so, Brain. But if he left chocolate bullets instead of silver, they'd get all runny and gooey!"

"Yes, Brain, I think so, but do nuts go with pudding?"

"I think so, Brain, but a codpiece made from a real fish would get smelly after a while, wouldn’t it?"

"I think... so, Brain... *gag* ...but I didn't know Annette used peanut butter in that way."

"I think so, Brain, but do those roost in this neighborhood?"

"I think so, Brain, but is the world ready for angora bellbottoms? I mean I can see wearing them inside out, but that would--"

"I think so, Commander Brain from Outer Space! But do we have time to grease the rockets?"

"I think so, Doctor. But are these really the legs of a show girl?"

"Whuh... I think so, Brain. But this time I get to play the dishwasher repairman!"

"I think so, Brainius. But what if a sudden wind were to blow up my toga?"

"I think so, Brain. But Trojans won’t arrive on the scene for another 300 years."

"I think so, Brain... but where would a yak put PVC tubing?"

"Whuh... I think so, Brain, but... but if Charlton Heston doesn't eat Soylent Green, what will he eat?"

Pinky: (talking to his reflection in the mirror) Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Pinky's Reflection: Why, yes, Pinky! Yes, I am! But where would you get a chicken, 20 yards of spandex and smelling salts at this hour?

"I think so, Brain, but Ben Vereen never answered our proposition."

"I think so, Brain, but wouldn't an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weenie, yellow polka-dot one-piece be better suited for my figure?"

"I think so, Brain, but won't it go straight to my hips?!"

"I think so, Ali-Brain! But isn't it cheating to use glue?"

"Whuu... I think so, BrainPan! But if running shoes had little feet, wouldn't they need their own shoes?"

"I think so, Brain. But what if the Earl of Essex doesn't like burlap pantaloons?"

"I think so, Brain, but should we use dishwashing liquid or cooking oil?"

Pinky: I think so, Brain! We'll dress up like biker dudes and infiltrate the "Hades Ladies." Then we'll convince them to hold a meeting inside the corn palace. Narf! The resulting carbon-monoxide buildup will allow you to complete your energy-making device and shortly after, you will rule the world!

Brain: Actually, I was thinking of calling the police. But I like your idea better!

Pinky: I’m honored, Brain... er, what was my idea again?

Pinky: (holding one of the pointy pieces from Sorry! and the bottle of Slick 'n Slide) I think so, Br...

Brain: [shuts Pinky's mouth] No, on second thought, don’t tell me... I don't think they allow that in a book with the Comics Code.

"I think so, Brain, but would Danish flies work just as well?"

"We think so, Brain! But dressing like twins is so tacky."

"I think so, Brain, but practicing docking procedures with a goat at zero G's—it's never been done!"

"I think so, Brain! But shouldn't we let the silk worms finish the boxer shorts before we put them on?"

"I think so, Brain! You draw the bath and I'll fetch the alka-seltzers and candles!"

"I think so, Brain. But the real trick will be getting Demi Moore out of the creamed corn!"

"Wuhhh... I think so, Brain, but if a ham can operate a radio, why can't a pig set a VCR?"

"I think so, Brain, you'd think [Lyndon Johnson would] have left room for baby-kissing, wouldn't you?"

"I think so, Brain! But won't Mr. Hoover notice a missing evening gown?"

"I think so, Brain! But what's the use of having a heart-shaped tattoo if it's going to be covered by hair?"

[Snowball has used his Visual Transmogrifier to make himself look like Brain and has encased an iron mask on Brain's head, claiming him to be his (Brain's) visiting cousin, Clement.]

Snowball/Brain: Listen, Pinky--Clement's a little tired. Let's go take over the world while he rests.

Pinky: Sure, Brain--but aren't you going to ask me somethin'?

Snowball/Brain: Eh? Ask you what?

Pinky: You know, "Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

Snowball/Brain: That depends, what are you pondering?

Pinky: Me? Well, actually, I was pondering which was more exciting, hand or foot pumps. Narf!

Snowball/Brain: I see...no, I wasn't pondering that...

Pinky: Um...

Snowball/Brain: Does that answer your question?

Pinky: Which question?

Snowball/Brain: [visibly annoyed] Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Pinky: I think so, Brain! But I can't decide which is more exciting...

Snowball/Brain: Hand or foot pumps, narf! Yes, you said that already!

Pinky: Oh... right... Poit!

"I think so, Brain, but couldn't the constant use of a henna rinse lead to premature baldness?"

"I think so, Brain. Just make sure we don't swallow each other's bubbles!"

"I think so, Brain! But ruby-studded stockings would be mighty uncomfortable wouldn't they?"

"I think so, Brain, but if I have my portrait drawn, will we have time to make it to the lifeboats?"

"I think so, Brain! But is Chippendale's ready for 'The Full Pinky?'"

Snowball: Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Brain?

Brain: There's a 99.7% probability that I am, Snowball!

"I think so, Brain! But do I have what it take to be the 'Lord of the Dance'?"

"I think so, Brain! How much deeper would the ocean be if there weren't sponges down there?"

"Oh, I think so, Brain! But doing a clog dance in actual clogs will give me awful blisters."

"I think so, Brain, but nose rings are kinda passé by now."

"I think so, Brain, but where are we going to get a trained octopus at this time of night?"

"I think so, Brain! But no more eels in jelly for me, thanks—I like my gelatin after lunch."

"I think so, Brain, but I didn’t know 90210 was a real zip code! Will Tori be there?"

Pinky: Narf! I think so, Brain, but what if the Telechubbies don't fight fair?

Elmyra: Ewwww, that would be bad!

"I think so, Brain. But even if we found a tuxedo to fit a blowfish, who would marry it?"

"Um, no, Cranky Mouseykin, not even in the story you made up."

"I think so, but where is a fish?"

Brain: "You pondering what I'm pondering?" I asked Pinky on the sly. "Well, I think so, Brain," he muttered. "But my feet taste better buttered." Then I grimaced and I shuddered at his typical reply.

"I think so, Brain. But if Pinocchio were carved out of bacon it wouldn't be the same story, would it?"

"Um, I think so, Brain, but wasn't Dicky Ducky released on his own recognaissance?"

"I think so, Brain, but Pepper Ann makes me sneeze."

"I think so, Brain. But suppose we do the hokey pokey and turn ourselves around, is that what it's really all about?"

(sung) "I think so, Brain, but just how will we get the weasel to hold still?"

"I think so, Brain, but how are we going to get the bacon flavoring into the pencils?"

"I think so, Brain, but instant karma's always so lumpy."

[Upon looking for safe passage through colonial India...]

Pinky: Well, I think so, Brain, but... no, it's too stupid.

Brain: We shall disguise ourselves as a cow!

Pinky: Narf, Brain! That was it exactly!

[Unused one]

Pinky: I think so, Brain, but she'd never leave Mickey.

Brain: I thought we agreed never to discuss that!

The Series Finale: (They're Brain-2-Me-2 and 3-Pinky-0 in a Star Wars Parody)

"Uh, I think so Brain2, but a show about two talking lab mice? It'll never get on the air.

And for a change:

Brain: Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Pinky: Whoof, oh, I'd have to say the odds of that are terribly slim, Brain.

Brain: True.

Pinky: I mean, really, when have I ever been pondering what you've been pondering?

Brain: To my knowledge, never.

Pinky: Exactly. So, what are the chances that this time, I'm pondering what you're pondering?

Brain: Next to nil.

Pinky: Well, that's exactly what I'm thinking, too.

Brain: Therefore, you are pondering what I'm pondering.

Pinky: Poit, I guess I am!

in a related story...

NH man charged 23 quadrillion dollars for smokes

from WMUR-TV, http://wmur.com

MANCHESTER, N.H. – A New Hampshire man says he swiped his debit card at a gas station to buy a pack of cigarettes and was charged over 23 quadrillion dollars. Josh Muszynski checked his account online a few hours later and saw the 17-digit number — a stunning $23,148,855,308,184,500 (twenty-three quadrillion, one hundred forty-eight trillion, eight hundred fifty-five billion, three hundred eight million, one hundred eighty-four thousand, five hundred dollars).

Muszynski says he spent two hours on the phone with Bank of America trying to sort out the string of numbers and the $15 overdraft fee.

The bank corrected the error the next day.

Bank of America tells WMUR-TV only the card issuer, Visa, could answer questions. Visa, in turn, referred questions to the bank.

that's not a bank error...this..THIS is a bank error...

Wow! A Quadrillion-Dollar Credit Card Bill North Texas man gets 17-digit surprise on his credit-card statement

By ELLEN GOLDBERG

NBC5 Dallas-Ft Worth, TX

Updated 1:49 PM CDT, Wed, Jul 15, 2009

A North Texas man has a 17-figure credit card statement after a bank glitch resulted in an eye-popping charge.

This is what it looks like: $23,148,855,308,184,500.00.

Here’s how to say it: 23 quadrillion,148 trillion, 855 billion, 308 million, 184,000 and 500 dollars.

It's more than 2,000 times the national debt -- and, according to Jon Seale's online credit card statement, it’s what he spent July 13 at Five Sixty by Wolfgang Puck.

“For that amount of money, I could actually own Wolfgang Puck himself," Seale said.

Seale, a husband and father of five from Trophy Club, spent much of Tuesday making calls to Wachovia and Visa in hopes of getting the exorbitant charge removed from his Wachovia Visa Buxx credit card. Both companies told him they were working to resolve the issue.

“It's an inconvenience, but it's not like I was truly worried my money was gone," he said. "It’s an obvious, glaring error.”

Seale even tried tracking down the celebrity chef himself.

“I tried to find Wolfgang Puck on Facebook and add him as a friend to see if he’d make a comment, but I didn’t have any luck finding him," Seale said.

Visa said the technical glitch that resulted in the giant charge only affected some customers with prepaid Visa cards.

"A temporary programming error at Visa Debit Processing Services caused some transactions to be inaccurately posted to a small number of Visa prepaid accounts," said Visa spokeswoman Elvira Swanson said in a written statement. "The technical glitch has been corrected, and all erroneous postings have been removed.”

Steale was not the only Visa Buxx cardholder to see the huge charge on his statement. A New Hampshire man found the $23 quadrillion charge after buying a pack of cigarettes at a gas station. A Visa representative said affected customers will also have the $20 overdraft fees removed.