Bubba in the Doctor's office...

Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Bubba:

Bubba walked into a doctor's office and went to the receptionist's desk.

"What have you got?" the receptionist asked him.

Bubba said, "Shingles."

So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out.

"What have you got?" she asked him.

Bubba said, "Shingles."

So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in.

"What have you got?" she asked him.

Bubba said, "Shingles."

So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude.

"So sir," the doctor asked. "What exactly are we here for today?"

Bubba said, "Shingles."

The doctor asked, "Where?"

Bubba said, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??"

"We don't really know for sure what's causing it..." what if they MADE you smile in that photo??

Smiles Predict Marriage Success

Clara Moskowitz

LiveScience Staff Writer

LiveScience.com clara Moskowitz

livescience Staff Writer

livescience.com

Tue Apr 14, 2:53 pm ET

If you want to know whether your marriage will survive, look at your spouse's yearbook photos.

Psychologists have found that how much people smile in old photographs can predict their later success in marriage.

In one test, the researchers looked at people's college yearbook photos, and rated their smile intensity from 1 to 10. None of the people who fell within the top 10 percent of smile strength had divorced, while within the bottom 10 percent of smilers, almost one in four had had a marriage that ended, the researchers say. (Scoring was based on the stretch in two muscles: one that pulls up on the mouth, and one that creates wrinkles around the eyes.)

In a second trial, the research team asked people over age 65 to provide photos from their childhood (the average age in the pictures was 10 years old). The researchers scored each person's smile, and found that only 11 percent of the biggest smilers had been divorced, while 31 percent of the frowners had experienced a broken marriage.

Overall, the results indicate that people who frown in photos are five times more likely to get a divorce than people who smile.

While the connection is striking, the researchers stress that they can't conclude anything about the cause of the correlation.

"Maybe smiling represents a positive disposition towards life," said study leader Matthew Hertenstein, a psychologist at DePauw University in Indiana. "Or maybe smiling people attract other happier people, and the combination may lead to a greater likelihood of a long-lasting marriage. We don't really know for sure what's causing it."

Hertenstein said he has considered other explanations, such as the possibility that people who smile more often tend to attract more friends, and a larger support network makes it easier to keep a marriage healthy. Or it could be that people who smile when a photographer tells them to are more likely to have obedient personalities, which could make marriage easier.

The results of the study fit into a larger pattern of research that has found many personality characteristics can be determined from very thin slices of behavior. Basically, we often reveal ourselves in the most subtle, simple ways.

And smiling in photographs has been shown to be correlated with a number of traits, including a generally happier disposition.

"I think [our results] go along with a lot of the literature that's been coming out over the last five to 10 years, which shows that positive emotionality is incredibly important in our lives," Hertenstein told LiveScience. "There are many, many beneficial outcomes to a positive disposition."

The findings are also notable because they found a connection between photos taken when people were young and marriage outcomes that sometimes occurred much later.

"It feeds into this idea that what's occurring earlier in our lives in terms of our present situation and our mental state can predict things that occur decades later," Hertenstein said. "Showing the continuity in who we are is really important."

The study is detailed in the April 5 issue of the journal Motivation and Emotion.

one little slip

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: October 16, 2007

I know you're surprised to hear from me.
They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.
I've just arrived and have been checked in.
I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!!

this is awesome...of course its in the x-ray spectrum, so...

Cosmic Hand Reaches for the Light

SPACE.com Staff

SPACE.com Space.com Staff

Sat Apr 4, 8:17 pm ET

space.com – Tiny and dying but still-powerful stars called pulsars spin like crazy and light up their surroundings, often with ghostly glows. So it is with PSR B1509-58, which long ago collapsed into a sphere just 12 miles in diameter after running out of fuel.

And what a strange scene this one has created.

In a new image (see attached) from NASA's Chandra X-ray Observatory, high-energy X-rays emanating from the nebula around PSR B1509-58 have been colored blue to reveal a structure resembling a hand reaching for some eternal red cosmic light.

The star now spins around at the dizzying pace of seven times every second -- as pulsars do -- spewing energy into space that creates the scene.

Strong magnetic fields, 15 trillion times stronger than the Earth's magnetic field, are thought to be involved, too. The combination drives an energetic wind of electrons and ions away from the dying star. As the electrons move through the magnetized nebula, they radiate away their energy as X-rays.

The red light actually a neighboring gas cloud, RCW 89, energized into glowing by the fingers of the PSR B1509-58 nebula, astronomers believe.

The scene, which spans 150 light-years, is about 17,000 light years away, so what we see now is how it actually looked 17,000 years ago, and that light is just arriving here.

A light-year is the distance light travels in a year, about 6 trillion miles (10 trillion kilometers).

there's surgery for that, too...

Three ladies, Ethyl, Judy and Margaret were friends. Church, families, everything they did together. Judy was married and had 13 children. Her first husband, Ted, died of cancer. She married again, and she & Bob had 7 more children. Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later. Judy *again*, remarried, to a man named John, and this time, she & John had 5 more children. He died of a coronary arrest while on the toilet a few years back. Judy finally died of old age, after having 25 children. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they are finally together."

Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret, "Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?"

Margaret replied, "I think he means her LEGS, Ethel...."

more battle scared advice...

Nine words women use

1. Fine:

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes:

If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing:

This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead:

This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh:

This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay:

This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks:

A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . That will bring on a 'whatever'.

8. Whatever:

Is a woman's way of saying F?(# YOU!

9. Don't worry about it, I got it:

Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.

are you followin' me, camera guy?

ShamWow spokesman accused of battery

Published: March 28, 2009 at 12:21 PM

SOUTH BEACH, Fla., March 28 (UPI) -- Vince Shlomi, the TV pitchman for the ShamWow product group, assaulted a suspected prostitute at a hotel in South Beach, Fla., police allege.

The Smoking Gun reported Friday that Shlomi, 44, was arrested by South Beach police and charged with a felony battery charge for allegedly punching 26-year-old Sasha Harris several times at the Setai Hotel.

Shlomi allegedly confessed to police he paid Harris $1,000 for sexual intercourse, but was forced to hit her after she bit his tongue as they were kissing.

The spokesman for ShamWow absorbent towels and Slap Chop food choppers allegedly told police he repeatedly punched Harris during the Feb. 7 incident in an attempt to make her release his tongue.

An affidavit in the criminal case said Harris suffered facial fractures and lacerations in the assault, the Smoking Gun said.

Harris, who also was arrested for felony aggravated battery, reportedly refused to confirm if she is prostitute, but suggested she may sue Shlomi for the alleged assault.

© 2009 United Press International, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

I wish they all could be California...grrls....

A Kansas wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With super-human strength, borne of fury, and of cutting firewood, lifting sacks of feed, and bales of hay, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the tool shed out back of the barn. She put his manhood in a vice and then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up an old carpenter's saw. The banged up cheater was terrified, and hollered, "Stop! Stop! You're not gonna cut it off with that rusty saw, are you?"

The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her husband's hand and said, "Nope, I'm gonna set this old shed on fire, and go to town for a cold beer. You do whatever you want..."