famous people and the jobs they had before they were famous people...

- Confucius was a corn inspector. (you've seen one ear...)

- Yogi Berra worked in a shoe factory. (seeing another pair of shoes must be like dejavu all over again for him...)

- William Howard Taft was a tax collector for the IRS. (then he went on to become the fattest ever president!)

- Harry S. Truman was a farmer (“The buckwheat stops here?”)

- Keanu Reeves managed a pasta shop (whoa..)

- Julia Roberts worked in a mall ice cream store (I had thoughts about hot fudge but I must digress...)

- Joe DiMaggio peeled oranges in a juice plant. (Funny, I always thought “Joltin’ Joe” was an electrician.)

- Clint Eastwood was a lifeguard (feeling lucky...punk?)

- W.C. Fields played a drowning victim to attract crowds to a boardwalk movie emporium. (too bad Clint wasnt there...)

- Johnny Depp sold pens by phone (ever wonder why the ends were cut off? And dialing with those hands must have been difficult...)

- Steve McQueen drove a cab (hopefully not off of an upper level of a parking garage...)

- Jerry Seinfeld was a paperboy. (with a Superman mask with the rubber strap busted screaming WAIT FOR ME!!)

- Billy the Kid worked in his mother's laundry (talk about holey socks...thems bullet holes)

- Jack Nicholson worked in a toy store (He still does, don’t you think?)

- Barbra Streisand was a waitress at a Chinese restaurant (and Steven Sondheim was the bartender/arranger...)

- Paul Newman was a sandwich-boy at Danny Budin's Corned Beef Palace. (Bet he didn’t give his salary to charity back then.)

And finally…

- Johnny Carson was a magician. (and after so many years on the national stage, he ultimately made himself disappear.)

THE HILLBILLY VASECTOMY

After their 11th child, a Kentucky couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin/wife didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The hillbilly said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!

"1"

"2"

"3"

"4"

"5"

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand…

This procedure also works in Tennessee, Alabama, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Missouri, Florida, West Virginia and Washington DC.

Who would've known that death's harbinger wore a bell? Beware for whom the bell tolls for it tolls for thee...

Oscar the cat predicts patients' deaths

By RAY HENRY, Associated Press Writer

Wed. July 25th, 2007 4:20PM ET

PROVIDENCE, R.I. (AP) - Oscar the cat seems to have an uncanny knack for predicting when nursing home patients are going to die, by curling up next to them during their final hours. His accuracy, observed in 25 cases, has led the staff to call family members once he has chosen someone. It usually means they have less than four hours to live.

"He doesn't make too many mistakes. He seems to understand when patients are about to die," said Dr. David Dosa in an interview. He describes the phenomenon in a poignant essay in Thursday's issue of the New England Journal of Medicine.

"Many family members take some solace from it. They appreciate the companionship that the cat provides for their dying loved one," said Dosa, a geriatrician and assistant professor of medicine at Brown University.

The 2-year-old feline was adopted as a kitten and grew up in a third-floor dementia unit at the Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center. The facility treats people with Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease and other illnesses.

After about six months, the staff noticed Oscar would make his own rounds, just like the doctors and nurses. He'd sniff and observe patients, then sit beside people who would wind up dying in a few hours.

Dosa said Oscar seems to take his work seriously and is generally aloof. "This is not a cat that's friendly to people," he said.

Oscar is better at predicting death than the people who work there, said Dr. Joan Teno of Brown University, who treats patients at the nursing home and is an expert on care for the terminally ill

She was convinced of Oscar's talent when he made his 13th correct call. While observing one patient, Teno said she noticed the woman wasn't eating, was breathing with difficulty and that her legs had a bluish tinge, signs that often mean death is near.

Oscar wouldn't stay inside the room though, so Teno thought his streak was broken. Instead, it turned out the doctor's prediction was roughly 10 hours too early. Sure enough, during the patient's final two hours, nurses told Teno that Oscar joined the woman at her bedside.

Doctors say most of the people who get a visit from the sweet-faced, gray-and-white cat are so ill they probably don't know he's there, so patients aren't aware he's a harbinger of death. Most families are grateful for the advanced warning, although one wanted Oscar out of the room while a family member died. When Oscar is put outside, he paces and meows his displeasure.

No one's certain if Oscar's behavior is scientifically significant or points to a cause. Teno wonders if the cat notices telltale scents or reads something into the behavior of the nurses who raised him.

Nicholas Dodman, who directs an animal behavioral clinic at the Tufts University Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine and has read Dosa's article, said the only way to know is to carefully document how Oscar divides his time between the living and dying.

If Oscar really is a furry grim reaper, it's also possible his behavior could be driven by self-centered pleasures like a heated blanket placed on a dying person, Dodman said.

Nursing home staffers aren't concerned with explaining Oscar, so long as he gives families a better chance at saying goodbye to the dying.

Oscar recently received a wall plaque publicly commending his "compassionate hospice care."

___

AP Science writer Alicia Chang in Los Angeles contributed to this report.

41 Weird Things You Would Never Know

41 Weird Things You Would Never Know

1.) A shrimp's heart is in its head.

2.) The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

3.) Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.

4.) Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

5.) In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.

6.) A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

7.) 23% of all photocopier faults world-wide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their butts.

8.) Most lipstick contains fish scales.

9.) Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

10.) If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.

11.) If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.

12.) In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand.

13.) It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

14.) A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

15.) More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.

16.) Horses can't vomit.

17.) Butterflies taste with their feet.

18.) In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined.

19.) On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.

20.) On average people fear spiders more than they do death.

21.) Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.

22.) Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

23.) Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

24.) Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

25.) It's possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.

26.) Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

27.) It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.

28.) The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.

29.) A snail can sleep for three years.

30.) No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH."

31.) Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

32.) The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

33.) All polar bears are left handed.

34.) In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.

35.) An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

36.) TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

37.) "Go," is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

38.) If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall.

39.) A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

40.) The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

41.) Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

Lessons From Katrina

How to Destroy an African-American City in Thirty Three Steps

Lessons from Katrina

By Bill Quigley.

Bill Quigley is a human rights lawyer and law professor at Loyola University New Orleans. You can reach Bill at Quigley@loyno.edu

Step One. Delay. If there is one word that sums up the way to destroy an African-American city after a disaster, that word is DELAY. If you are in doubt about any of the following steps - just remember to delay and you will probably be doing the right thing.

Step Two. When a disaster is coming, do not arrange a public evacuation. Rely only on individual resources. People with cars and money for hotels will leave. The elderly, the disabled and the poor will not be able to leave. Most of those without cars - 25% of households of New Orleans, overwhelmingly African-Americans - will not be able to leave. Most of the working poor, overwhelmingly African-American, will not be able to leave. Many will then permanently accuse the victims who were left behind of creating their own human disaster because of their own poor planning. It is critical to start by having people blame the victims for their own problems.

Step Three. When the disaster hits make certain the national response is overseen by someone who has no experience at all handling anything on a large scale, particularly disasters. In fact, you can even inject some humor into the response - have the disaster coordinator be someone whose last job was the head of a dancing horse association.

Step Four. Make sure that the President and national leaders remain aloof and only slightly concerned. This sends an important message to the rest of the country.

Step Five. Make certain the local, state, and national governments do not respond in a coordinated effective way. This will create more chaos on the ground.

Step Six. Do not bring in food or water or communications right away. This will make everyone left behind more frantic and create incredible scenes for the media.

Step Seven. Make certain that the media focus of the disaster is not on the heroic community work of thousands of women, men and young people helping the elderly, the sick and the trapped survive, but mainly on acts of people looting. Also spread and repeat the rumors that people trapped on rooftops are shooting guns not to attract attention and get help, but AT the helicopters. This will reinforce the message that "those people" left behind are different from the rest of us and are beyond help.

Step Eight. Refuse help from other countries. If we accept help, it looks like we cannot or choose not to handle this problem ourselves. This cannot be the message. The message we want to put out over and over is that we have plenty of resources and there is plenty of help. Then if people are not receiving help, it is their own fault. This should be done quietly.

Step Nine. Once the evacuation of those left behind actually starts, make sure people do not know where they are going or have any way to know where the rest of their family has gone. In fact, make sure that African-Americans end up much farther away from home than others.

Step Ten. Make sure that when government assistance finally has to be given out, it is given out in a totally arbitrary way. People will have lost their homes, jobs, churches, doctors, schools, neighbors and friends. Give them a little bit of money, but not too much. Make people dependent. Then cut off the money. Then give it to some and not others. Refuse to assist more than one person in every household. This will create conflicts where more than one generation lived together. Make it impossible for people to get consistent answers to their questions. Long lines and busy phones will discourage people from looking for help.

Step Eleven. Insist the President suspend federal laws requiring living wages and affirmative action for contractors working on the disaster. While local workers are still displaced, import white workers from outside the city for the high-paying jobs like crane operators and bulldozers. Import Latino workers from outside the city for the low-paying dangerous jobs. Make sure to have elected officials, black and white, blame job problems on the lowest wage immigrant workers. This will create divisions between black and brown workers that can be exploited by those at the top. Because many of the brown workers do not have legal papers, those at the top will not have to worry about paying decent wages, providing health insurance, following safety laws, unemployment compensation, workers compensation, or union organizing. They become essentially disposable workers - use them, then lose them.

Step Twelve. Whatever you do, keep people away from their city for as long as possible. This is the key to long-term success in destroying the African- American city. Do not permit people to come home. Keep people guessing about what is going to happen and when it is going to happen. Set numerous deadlines and then break them.This will discourage people and make it increasingly difficult for people to return.

Step Thirteen. When you finally have to reopen the city, make sure to reopen the African- American sections last. This will aggravate racial tensions in the city and create conflicts between those who are able to make it home and those who are not.

Step Fourteen. When the big money is given out, make sure it is all directed to homeowners and not to renters. This is particularly helpful in a town like New Orleans that was majority African-American and majority renter. Then, after you have excluded renters, mess the program for the homeowners up so that they must wait for years to get money to fix their homes.

Step Fifteen. Close down all the public schools for months. This will prevent families in the public school system, overwhelmingly African- Americans, from coming home.

Step Sixteen. Fire all the public school teachers, teacher aides, cafeteria workers and bus drivers and de-certify the teachers union - the largest in the state. This will primarily hurt middle class African Americans and make them look for jobs elsewhere.

Step Seventeen. Even better, take this opportunity to flip the public school system into a charter system and push foundations and the government to extra money to the new charter schools. Give the schools with the best test scores away first. Then give the least flooded schools away next. Turn 70% of schools into charters so that the kids with good test scores or solid parental involvement will go to the charters. That way the kids with average scores, or learning disabilities, or single parent families who are still displaced are kept segregated away from the "good" kids. You will have to set up a few schools for those other kids, but make sure those schools do not get any extra money, do not have libraries, nor doors on the toilets, nor enough teachers. In fact, because of this, you better make certain there are more security guards than teachers.

Step Eighteen. Let the market do what it does best. When rent goes up 70%, say there is nothing we can do about it. This will have two great results. It will keep many former residents away from the city and it will make landlords happy. If wages go up, immediately import more outside workers and wages will settle down.

Step Nineteen. Make sure all the predominately white suburbs surrounding the African- American city make it very difficult for the people displaced from the city to return to the metro area. Have one suburb refuse to allow any new subsidized housing at all. Have the Sheriff of another threaten to stop and investigate anyone wearing dreadlocks. Throw in a little humor and have one nearly all-white suburb pass a law which makes it illegal for homeowners to rent to people other than their blood relatives! The courts may strike these down, but it will take time and the message will be clear - do not think about returning to the suburbs.

Step Twenty. Reduce public transportation by more than 80%. The people without cars will understand the message.

Step Twenty One. Keep affordable housing to a minimum. Use money instead to reopen the Superdome and create tourism campaigns. Refuse to boldly create massive homeownership opportunities for former renters. Delay re-opening apartment complexes in African American neighborhoods. As long as less than half the renters can return to affordable housing, they will not return.

Step Twenty Two. Keep all public housing closed. Since it is 100% African-American, this is a no-brainer. Make sure to have African-Americans be the people who deliver the message. This step will also help by putting more pressure on the rental market as 5000 more families will then have to compete for rental housing with low-income workers. This will provide another opportunity for hundreds of millions of government funds to be funneled to corporations when these buildings are torn down and developers can build up other less-secure buildings in their place. Make sure to tell the 5000 families evicted from public housing that you are not letting them back for their own good. Tell them you are trying to save them from living in a segregated neighborhood. This will also send a good signal - if the government can refuse to allow people back, private concerns are free to do the same or worse.

Step Twenty Three. Shut down as much public health as possible. Sick and elderly people and moms with little kids need access to public healthcare. Keep the public hospital, which hosted about 350,000 visits a year before the disaster, closed. Keep the neighborhood clinics closed. Put all the pressure on the private healthcare facilities and provoke economic and racial tensions there between the insured and uninsured.

Step Twenty Four. Close as many public mental healthcare providers as possible. The trauma of the disaster will seriously increase stress on everyone. Left untreated, medical experts tell us this will dramatically increase domestic violence, self- medication and drug and alcohol abuse, and of course crime.

Step Twenty Five. Keep the city environment unfriendly to women. Women were already widely discriminated against before the storm. Make sure that you do not reopen day care centers. This, combined with the lack of healthcare, lack of affordable housing, and lack of transportation, will keep moms with kids away. If you can keep women with kids away, the city will destroy itself.

Step Twenty Six. Create and maintain an environment where black on black crime will flourish. As long as you can keep parents out of town, keep the schools hostile to kids without parents, keep public healthcare closed, make only low-paying jobs available, not fund social workers or prosecutors or public defenders or police, and keep chaos the norm, young black men will certainly kill other young black men. To increase the visibility of the crime problem, bring in the National Guard in fatigues to patrol the streets in their camouflage hummers.

Step Twenty Seven. Strip the local elected predominately African American government of its powers. Make certain the money that is coming in to fix up the region is not under their control. Privatize as much as you can as quickly as you can - housing, healthcare, and education for starters. When in doubt, privatize. Create an appointed commission of people who have no experience in government to make all the decisions. In fact, it is better to create several such commissions, that way no one will really be sure who is in charge and there will be much more delay and conflict. Treat the local people like they are stupid, you know what is best for them much better than they do.

Step Twenty Eight. Create lots of planning processes but give them no authority. Overlap them where possible. Give people conflicting signals whether their neighborhood will be allowed to rebuild or be turned into green space. This will create confusion, conflict and aggravation. People will blame the officials closest to them - the local African- American officials, even though they do not have any authority to do anything about these plans since they do not control the rebuilding money.

Step Twenty Nine. Hold an election but make it very difficult for displaced voters to participate. In fact, do not allow any voting in any place outside the state even we do it for other countries and even though hundreds of thousands of people are still displaced. This is very important because when people are not able to vote, those who have been able to return can say "Well, they didn't even vote, so I guess they are not interested in returning."

Step Thirty. Get the elected officials out of the way and make room for corporations to make a profit. There are billions to be made in this process for well- connected national and international corporations. There is so much chaos that no one will be able to figure out exactly where the money went for a long time. There is no real attempt to make sure that local businesses, especially African-American businesses, get contracts - at best they get modest subcontracts from the corporations which got the big money. Make sure the authorities prosecute a couple of little people who ripped off $2000 - that will temporarily satisfy people who know they are being ripped off and divert attention from the big money rip- offs. This will also provide another opportunity to blame the victims - as critics can say "Well, we gave them lots of money, they must have wasted it, how much more can they expect from us?"

Step Thirty One. Keep people's attention diverted from the African-American city. Pour money into Iraq instead of the Gulf Coast. Corporations have figured out how to make big bucks whether we are winning or losing the war. It is easier to convince the country to support war - support for cities is much, much tougher. When the war goes badly, you can change the focus of the message to supporting the troops. Everyone loves the troops. No one can say we all love African-Americans. Focus on terrorists - that always seems to work.

Step Thirty Two. Refuse to talk about or look seriously at race. Condemn anyone who dares to challenge the racism of what is going on - accuse them of "playing the race card" or say they are paranoid. Criticize people who challenge the exclusion of African-Americans as people who "just want to go back to the bad old days." Repeat the message that you want something better for everyone. Use African American spokespersons where possible.

Step Thirty-Three. Repeat these steps.

Note to readers. Every fact in this list actually happened and continues to happen in New Orleans after Katrina.

answers to quiz

Answers To Quiz:

1.) The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends . . Boxing

2.) North American landmark constantly moving backward is...Niagara Falls (The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.)

3.) Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons...Asparagus and rhubarb.

4.) The fruit with its seeds on the outside...Strawberry.

5.) How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. (The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.)

6.) Three English words beginning with "dw..."...Dwarf, dwell and dwindle.

7.) Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar...Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.

8.) The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh...Lettuce.

9.) Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with "S"...Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.

quiz for people who know everything...

This is a quiz for people who know everything! These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters " dw" and they are all common words. Name two of them.

7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?

8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.

9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter "S."

remember when...way back...way way back...

Close your eyes...And go back...Before the Internet or PC or the MAC...Before semi-automatics and crack...Before Playstation, SEGA, Super Nintendo, even before Atari...Before cell phones, CD's, DVD's, voicemail and e-mail...way back...way...way...way back...

I'm talkin' bout hide and seek at dusk

Red light, Green light

Red Rover...Red Rover...

Playing kickball & dodgeball until the first...no...second...no...third streetlight came on!

Ring around the Rosie

London Bridge

Marbles and Tops

Hot potato

Hop Scotch

Jump rope

Duck....duck....GOOSE!!!

YOU'RE IT!!

Parents stood on the front porch and yelled (or whistled) for you to come home - no pagers or cell phones

Captain May I?

Hula Hoops

Seeing shapes in the clouds

Endless summer days and hot summer nights (no A/C) with the windows open

The sound of crickets

Running through the sprinkler

Happy Meals

Cereal boxes with that GREAT prize in the bottom

Cracker jacks with the same thing

Ice pops with 2 sticks you could break and share with a friend...but wait...there's more...

Watchin' Saturday Morning cartoons

Mighty Mouse, Yogi Bear, Top Cat, Heckle & Jeckle, Fat Albert, Road Runner, Smurfs, & He-Man,

Schoolhouse Rock

Watchin' Sunday morning oldies (Abbott & Costello, Three Stooges)

Wonder Woman & Super Man Underoos

FONZIE...AYYYYYYYY

Catchin' lightning bugs in a jar

Christmas morning

Your first day of school

Bedtime Prayers and Goodnight Kisses

Climbing trees

Swinging as high as you could to try and reach the sky

Getting an Ice Cream off the Good Humor Truck

A million mosquito bites and sticky fingers

Jumpin' down the steps

Jumpin' on the bed

Pillow fights

Sleep-overs

A 13" black and white TV in your room meant you were RICH

Runnin' till you were out of breath

Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt

Being tired from PLAYING

WORK: meant taking out the garbage or doing the dishes

Your first crush

Your first kiss (I mean the one that you kept your mouth CLOSED and your eyes OPEN)

Rainy days at school meant playing "Heads up 7UP" or hangman" in the classroom, remember that?

Oh, I'm not finished yet...Kool-Aid was the drink of the summer.

So was a swig from the hose.

Giving your friends a ride on your handlebars.

Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school.

Class Field Trips with soggy sandwiches.

When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids got there

When a quarter seemed like a fair allowance, and and another quarter a MIRACLE!

When ANY parent could discipline ANY kid, or feed him, or use him to carry groceries...And nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it.

When your parents took you to McDonald's and you were COOL.

When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited you at home.

Basically, we were in fear for our lives but it wasn't because of drive by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc.

Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! And some of us are STILL afraid of 'em!

Didn't that feel good? Just to go back and say, "Yeah, I remember that!"

Well, let's keep going!!

Let's go back to the time when...Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo"

Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over!"

"Race issues" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.

Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "monopoly"

Catching fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening

It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends.

Being old, referred to anyone over 20. (CRAP! I'm older than dirt then!)

The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.

Nobody was prettier than Mom.

Scrapes and bruises were kissed by mom or grandma and made better!

It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides at the amusement park.

Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.

Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare"

Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.

The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.

Water balloons were the ultimate, ultimate weapon.

Older siblings were your worst tormentors, but also your fiercest protector!

If you can remember most or all of these, then you have LIVED!!!

If this provided you a needed break from your "grown up" life, feel welcome to spread any love you received from remembering these things...I TRIPLE DOG DARE YA!!!!!!

mine cuts the grass because I have a bad grass pollen allergy...

On Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair; drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn.

The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung!"

I took a drink from my can of Bud Light, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened Ray Ban sunglasses and stared directly into the eyes of this nosy ass neighbor and then calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass."

little bird under the paper...

There was a guy sunbathing in the nude on the beach. He saw a little girl coming toward him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading.

The girl came up to him and asked, "What do you have under the newspaper?"

Thinking quickly, the guy replied, "A bird."

The girl walked away, and he fell asleep. When he woke up, he was in the hospital in tremendous pain. The local police sent an investigating officer to ask him what happened.

The guy says, "I don't know. I was lying on the beach, this little girl asked me a question. I guess I dozed off and the next thing I know, here I am in the hospital in this unbelievable pain."

The investigating police officer went to the beach. He found the little girl. "Just what did you do to that naked fellow?" he asked her.

After a pause, the girl replied, "To him? Nothing. I was playing with his bird and it spit on me. So I broke its neck, busted its eggs, and set its nest on fire!"

a quiz someone sent me...

Did you know that those who appear to be very strong in heart, are real weak and most susceptible? Yes, in a way, because this is mostly a front that people put up to disguise their vulnerabilities.

Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need someone to protect them? Yes, especially if they’re sent off to a war whose cause has been long ago forgotten and whose goal has been circumvented to justify profiteering by those involved.

Did you know that the three most difficult things to say are:

1.) I love you

2.) Sorry

3.) Help me.

Truer words were never spoken

Did you know that those who dress in red are more confident in themselves? That has been stated, however, once again this is a front.

Did you know that those who dress in yellow are those that enjoy their beauty? I had not heard this

Did you know that those who dress in black, are those who want to be unnoticed and need your help and understanding? Or just want to be left alone, or want to hang out with just those who want to be left alone..

Did you know that when you help someone, the help is returned in two-fold? This is true, these things do get returned…

Did you know that it's easier to say what you feel in writing than saying it to someone in the face, but did you know that it has more value when you say it to their face? This is because the direct contact makes it more difficult to disguise any feelings, but, what’s weird is that I reveal more there than I do in direct contact.

Did you know that if you ask for something in faith, your wishes are granted? Depends on what faith. I ask for things in the name of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and have received what I asked for, but have asked for things in the name of God and received nothing, and vice versa. It’s a random thing.

Did you know that you can make your dreams come true, like falling in love, becoming rich, staying healthy, if you ask for it by faith, and if you really knew, you'd be surprised by what you could do. The faith is faith in YOURSELF and YOUR ABILITIES.

But, don't believe everything I tell you, until you try it for yourself, if you know someone that is in need of something that I mentioned, and you know that you can help, you'll see that it will be returned in two-fold. Once again, help others, treat others as you wish to be treated, and things will be returned to you even more than two-fold…

The meaning behind the design of the US Flag...

The 13 Stars and Stripes symbolize the original 13 colonies. Later, it was decided that for each new state admitted into the United States, an additional star would be placed on the flag. According to the Department of State, red stands for hardiness and courage, white is the symbol of purity and innocence, and blue is the color of vigilance, perseverance, and justice.

Happy Independence Day (7/4/04)

Independence Day is most commonly known as the 4th of July and is the birthday of the Declaration of Independence. The creation of the Declaration of Independence marked the creation of the United States of America. Although it is celebrated on July 4th each year in the United States, it is not the date that all 13 of the original colonies signed the original document. This original document went thru 47 revisions before it was finalized on July 2, 1776. John Hancock signed the finalized document on July 4, 1776 but Independence Day was not celebrated until July 8, 1776. Due to travel time and distance, many of the colonies were not aware that Independence from British rule had actually been declared. Many other colonies were reluctant to sign the document for fear of retribution from the British troops. Eventually, all 13 colonies did sign the Declaration of Independence.

30 minutes to live

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most."

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.

The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing. The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left, "Would you care to do it again?"

He asks her "Shall we?"

She eagerly replies, "Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head..."