Its the top...its the mona lisa...its the top...

St. Louis water is tops, according to nation's mayors

By Jake Wagman

ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH

06/26/2007

 

Time to raise a glass to St. Louis water — it's been named the best in the land.

 

Mayors from around the country declared Monday that St. Louis water rises to the top. The water was judged on taste, clarity and aroma.

 

St. Louis bested four other finalists, chosen from an original field of more than 90 cities.

 

David Visintainer, the city's water commissioner, is soaking it up.

 

"That's a pretty great honor," he said.

 

A limestone derivative is added to "soften" the water, Visintainer said, and a carbon process is used to wipe out pollutants. St. Louis water is odor neutral, he said, without the brownish tint that keeps water filter salesmen afloat in other big cities.

"Our water is especially clear," Visintainer said.

 

The honor shouldn't be a surprise. Generations of beer barons have used St. Louis water to better their brew.

 

The award — bestowed by the U.S. Conference of Mayors — comes with a $15,000 prize and the title "Best Tasting City Water in America."

 

Visintainer isn't sure how the city Water Department will celebrate, but, he said, if there is a party, don't expect bottled water.

 

Boys and Pharmacists...

Two young boys walk into a pharmacy one day, pick out a box of Tampax and proceed to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asks the older boy, "Son, how old are you,"

"Eight," the boy replies.

The man continues, "Do you know what these are used for?"

"Not exactly," the boy says. "But they aren't for me.  They're for him.  He's my brother.  He's four.  We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike.  Right now he can't do either one."

 

 

Don't even think about using spell check!!!!!!!!

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be
in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.

Little Johnny strikes again...

Little Johnny watched his Daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods.  Curious, he followed the car and saw his Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.  Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself.  He ran home to tell his mother.

He arrived home out of breath and still excited.  "Mommy, I was at the playground, and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane,” Little Johnny said.  “I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt.  Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane...”

At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time.  I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."  

At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story.  Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.  I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt.  Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army…”

Mommy fainted, realizing the moral of the story…sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt.

 

 

 

speaking of gambling, is this showing your hand?

A woman once wrote that a man is like a the suits in a
deck of cards:

A HEART to love him,
A DIAMOND to marry him,
A CLUB to smash his head in,
A SPADE to bury him.

not a round of "Old Maid" one could assume.

tithing your gambling winnings...

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living
in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches
than casinos; and not surprisingly, some worshippers
at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than
cash when the basket is passed. As they originate from
so many different casinos, the churches have devised a
clever method to collect the offerings.
They send all their collected chips to a nearby
Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips
are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.
Of course -- this is done by "chip monks..."

Warning concerning Bears on Golf Courses

The Montana State Department of Fish and Wildlife is
advising golfers to take extra precautions and be on
the alert for bears while playing on Gallatin, Helena,
and Lewis and Clark National Forests Golf Courses.
They advise golfers to wear noise-producing devices
such as little bells on their clothing to alert but
not startle the bears unexpectedly.
They also advise them to carry pepper spray in the
case of a close encounter, as things could get hairy.
It is also a good idea to watch for signs of bear
activity and golfers should be able to recognize the
difference between black bear and grizzly bear
droppings on the golf course.
Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berries
and possibly squirrel fur. Grizzly bear droppings
have bells in them and smell like pepper spray.

It's the law...

In Alabama:
it is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while
operating a vehicle.

In California:
community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it
illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from
playfully jumping over puddles of water.

In Connecticut:
you can be stopped by the police for biking over 65
miles per hour and you are not allowed to walk
across a street on your hands.

In Illinois:
it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to
dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal.

In Iowa:
kisses may last for as much as, but no more than,
five minutes.

In Florida:
Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair
dryer, as can the salon owner.
A special law prohibits unmarried women from
parachuting on Sunday
On Sunday, it's illegal to sing in a public place
while attired in a swimsuit.
If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the
parking fee has to be paid just as if it were a
vehicle
Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of
strapless gown.

In Kentucky:
If you've been been drinking, you're "sober" until
you "cannot hold onto the ground,"
It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your
pocket.

In Louisiana:
it's illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the
bank teller -- with a water pistol.
Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple
assault," while biting someone with your false teeth
is "aggravated assault."

Thou shall not kill, unless you're cut off in heavy traffic trying to get to the exit ramp, and then, well...

Vatican's 10 Commandments for drivers

By NICOLE WINFIELD, Associated Press Writer

Tue Jun 19, 2007 8:43 AM ET

 

VATICAN CITY (AP) – The Vatican on Tuesday issued a set of "Ten Commandments" for drivers, telling motorists not to kill, not to drink and drive, and to help fellow travelers in case of accidents.

An unusual document from the Vatican's office for migrants and itinerant people also warned that cars can be "an occasion of sin" — particularly when they are used for dangerous passing or for prostitution.

It warned about the effects of road rage, saying driving can bring out "primitive" behavior in motorists, including "impoliteness, rude gestures, cursing, blasphemy, loss of sense of responsibility or deliberate infringement of the highway code."

It urged motorists to obey traffic regulations, drive with a moral sense, and to pray when behind the wheel.

Cardinal Renato Martino, who heads the office, told a news conference that the Vatican felt it necessary to address the pastoral needs of motorists because driving had become such a big part of contemporary life.

He noted that the Bible was full of people on the move, including Mary and Joseph, the parents of Jesus — and that his office is tasked with dealing with all "itinerant" people — including refugees, prostitutes, truck drivers and the homeless.

"We know that as a consequence of transgressions and negligence, 1.2 million people die each year on the roads," Martino said. "That's a sad reality, and at the same time, a great challenge for society and the church."

The document, "Guidelines for the Pastoral Care of the Road," extols the benefits of driving — family outings, getting the sick to the hospital, allowing people to see other cultures.

But it laments a host of ills associated with automobiles: drivers use their cars to show off; driving "provides an easy opportunity to dominate others" by speeding; drivers can kill themselves and others if they don't get their cars regular tuneups, if they drink, use drugs or fall asleep at the wheel.

It also pointed the finger at traffic problems particular to Rome: "Danger also derives from city cars, which are driven by youngsters and adults who do not have (full) driving licenses, and the reckless use of motorbikes and motorcycles."

It called for drivers to obey speed limits and to exercise a host of Christian virtues: charity to fellow drivers, prudence on the roads, hope of arriving safely and justice in the event of crashes.

And it suggested prayer might come in handy — making the sign of the cross before starting off and saying the rosary along the way. The rosary was particularly well suited to recitation by all in the car since its "rhythm and gentle repetition does not distract the driver's attention."

The document is intended for bishops conferences around the world, and as such offered recommendations for their pastoral workers, including setting up chapels along motorways and having "periodic celebration of liturgies" at major road hubs, truck stops and restaurants.

The "Drivers' Ten Commandments," as listed by the document, are:

1. You shall not kill.

2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.

3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.

4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.

5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.

6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.

7. Support the families of accident victims.

8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.

9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.

10. Feel responsible toward others.

a relationship falling apart...

Dear Wife: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Ex-Husband:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a girl!" but my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning...and your silk boxers were $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed

Rich As H – e – l – l and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister, was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.

tastes great...less filling...

If you drink Bud, Bud Light or any of the local brewer’s products from this brewery -  you’re drinkin’ CITY WATER…and apparently, it aint too darn bad!

 

H2Ohhh: City water in running for taste title

By Jake Wagman - St Louis Post-Dispatch

06/11/2007 2:13 pm

 

As Mayor Francis Slay mentioned earlier today, St. Louis is being lauded for what’s on tap.

 

The U.S. Conference of Mayors announced last week that St. Louis is among five finalists for the title of “Best Tasting City Water in America.”

 

Samples of municipal water from 93 cities were graded on taste, clarity and aroma by a panel of judges that consisted of Washington Post environmental reporter Juliet Eilperin, Tommy Jacomo, proprietor of a ritzy Beltway restaurant, The Palm, and Ben Grumbles, who runs the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency’s Office of Water.

 

Later this month, St. Louis will compete against Anaheim, Calif., Long Beach, Calif., Colorado Spring, Colo., and Toledo, Ohio at the Conference of Mayors gathering in Los Angeles to determine the champion. There, the judges will be the dozens of mayors in attendance.

 

The winner will receive $15,000 and, according to the news release, “bragging rights.” Maybe some sort of trophy would even be appropriate – they could call it the Water Cup.

 

Cuts threaten world's largest telescope

Cuts threaten world's largest telescope

By DANICA COTO, Associated Press Writer

Thu May 31, 8:46 PM ET

ARECIBO, Puerto Rico (AP) - Engineers will travel to this Puerto Rican coastal town in coming weeks to study whether to shut down the world's largest radio telescope, which was featured in the movie "Contact" but now faces steep budget cuts, observatory officials said Thursday.

Opened in 1963, the Arecibo telescope, a 1,000-foot-wide dish set in a sinkhole amid forested hills, bounces radio waves off asteroids and charts their location, speed and course. It has recorded a number of scientific discoveries, including the first planets beyond the solar system and lakes of hydrocarbons on Saturn's moon Titan.

But fears that it could face extinction began late last year, when a panel commissioned by the National Science Foundation, a U.S. federal agency, called for deep budget cuts and said officials should consider eliminating it entirely at the end of the decade.

Observatory officials said Thursday the impending study does not mean the complex will close entirely — at least not immediately.

"That's not our desire. But we are looking at this for planning purposes," said Richard Barvainis, program manager of the National Astronomy and Ionosphere Center, which includes the Arecibo observatory.

The Arecibo telescope appeared in "Contact," a 1997 Jodie Foster movie based on the Carl Sagan book about the search for extraterrestrial life. It also gained fame in the 1995 James Bond movie "Goldeneye," in which the telescope's platform, suspended like a giant steel spider 450 feet above the dish, figured in a climactic fight scene.

The telescope's budget will plummet from $10.5 million this year to $4 million by 2010, Barvainis said, with the savings going to construct a telescope 20 times more powerful, perhaps in Australia or South Africa.

Owned by the National Science Foundation and operated by Cornell University, the Arecibo facility is receiving a makeover to persuade federal officials to keep it open, including a $3.5 million paint job to keep its steel structure from corroding in the humid Caribbean air.

Officials said that regardless of what happens with the possible budget cuts, the telescope's visitor center, which draws about 120,000 people a year, would remain open.