StLouieMoe's Blog about Anything

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

FW: The Female Demerit System



The Female Demerit System



In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.


Do something she likes and you get points.


Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.


You don't get any points for doing something she expects.


Sorry, that's the way the game seems to be played.



Here is a guide to the point system:




SIMPLE DUTIES



You make the bed correctly (+1)



You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)



You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)



You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)



But return with Beer (-5)



You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)



You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)



You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)



You pummel it with iron rod (+10)



It's her pet (-20)





SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS



You stay by her side the entire party (0)



You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend (-2)



Named Tina (-10)



Tina is a dancer (-20)



Tina has silicone implants (-80)





HER BIRTHDAY



You take her out to dinner (+2)



You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3)



Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)



And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)



It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)





A NIGHT OUT



You take her to a movie (+1)



You take her to a movie she likes (+3)



You take her to a movie you hate (+6)



You take her to a movie you like (-2)



It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)



You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)





YOUR PHYSIQUE



You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)



You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)



You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)



You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)





THE BIG QUESTION



She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) (you lose points no matter what)



You hesitate in responding (-10)



You reply, "Where?" (-35)



Any other response (-20)





COMMUNICATION



When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)



You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)



You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)



She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000)

Saturday, January 08, 2011

2011 - things babies born this year will likely never see or experience...

Things Babies Born in 2011 Will Never Know

by Stacy Johnson

provided by Money Talks News
Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Huffington Post recently put up a story called You're Out: 20 Things That Became Obsolete This Decade. It's a great retrospective on the technology leaps we've made since the new century began, and it got me thinking about the difference today's technology will make in the lives of tomorrow's kids.

I've used some of their ideas and added some of my own to make the list below: Do you think kids born in 2011 will recognize any of the following?

Video tape: Starting this year, the news stories we produce here at Money Talks have all been shot, edited, and distributed to TV stations without ever being on any kind of tape. Not only that, the tape-less broadcast camera we use today offers much higher quality than anything that could have been imagined 10 years ago -- and cost less than the lens on the camera we were using previously. Digital takeover of this was inevitable. I still use videotape, but that’s because I am too cheap to buy a DVR…

Travel agents: While not dead today, this profession is one of many that's been decimated by the Internet. When it's time for their honeymoon, will those born in 2011 be able to find one? Don’t we know it?? J

The separation of work and home: When you're carrying an email-equipped computer in your pocket, it's not just your friends who can find you -- so can your boss. For kids born this year, the wall between office and home will be blurry indeed. This is scary, what if you need a “mental health day?” This is why people burn out so quickly these days…

Books, magazines, and newspapers: Like video tape, words written on dead trees are on their way out. Sure, there may be books -- but for those born today, stores that exist solely to sell them will be as numerous as record stores are now. I still like the textile pleasure of a good book. The smell of the print, the feel of the page…

Movie rental stores: You actually got in your car and drove someplace just to rent a movie? There are still usages of these. But with Netflix taking them down, its pretty much going to mean you are going to have to be a member of services like this to get what you want anymore.

Watches: Maybe as quaint jewelry, but the correct time is on your smartphone, which is pretty much always in your hand. This I am guilty of. I don’t wear a watch anymore..

Paper maps: At one time these were available free at every gas station. They're practically obsolete today, and the next generation will probably have to visit a museum to find one. This also depends on if the military keeps allowing citizens to utilize their GPS systems, or our wonderful star the Sun keeps allowing these satellites to keep their orbits (sunspot activity can take down a satellite). Only the Europeans have a system that is independent from the DARPA and US DoD – all it takes is one military command and all GPS is off. Geolocation, however still works and as long as you have that and a hand map, you will be ok. Learn old tech - old ways works better and will work even without GPS.

Wired phones: Why would you pay $35 every month to have a phone that plugs into a wall? For those born today, this will be a silly concept. But what happens when there’s a disaster and those towers aren’t available because everyone’s calling? Remember the cel networks are limited to the number of users per tower, etc. I have run into this even with the plethora of towers there’s limitations to the network. Same with wired phones however with fibre optic technology this still has a higher number of nodes and switchers available to it and much greater capacity whereas wireless has limitations on it based on the capacity of the wireless broadcast signal itself.

Long distance: Thanks to the Internet, the days of paying more to talk to somebody in the next city, state, or even country are limited.

Newspaper classifieds: The days are gone when you have to buy a bunch of newsprint just to see what's for sale.

Dial-up Internet: While not everyone is on broadband, it won't be long before dial-up Internet goes the way of the plug-in phone. And services like YouTube and the immersion environments many commercial websites have become have made it impossible to view these via a dialup connection – it just takes too much time to incorporate and recreate the data on the other side of the connection.

Encyclopedias: Imagine a time when you had to buy expensive books that were outdated before the ink was dry. This will be a nonsense term for babies born today.

Forgotten friends: Remember when an old friend would bring up someone you went to high school with, and you'd say, "Oh yeah, I forgot about them!" The next generation will automatically be in touch with everyone they've ever known even slightly via Facebook. Many of my Facebook friends are people I had passing aquaitences with in High School, college or work. Honestly, very few of them are people with whom I had close relationships with.

Forgotten anything else: Kids born this year will never know what it was like to stand in a bar and incessantly argue the unknowable. Today the world's collective knowledge is on the computer in your pocket or purse. And since you have it with you at all times, why bother remembering anything? I have noticed I am doing this!

The evening news: The news is on 24/7. And if you're not home to watch it, that's OK -- it's on the smartphone in your pocket.

CDs: First records, then 8-track, then cassette, then CDs -- replacing your music collection used to be an expensive pastime. Now it's cheap(er) and as close as the nearest Internet connection. As long as the recorded music is transferred to a digital downloadable source and the material is available. Think of all the wonderful music and performance was lost when New Orleans’ community radio station WWOZ flooded during Katrina? There were some recordings they had that were “one of a kind” and never digitally transferred. Lost forever.

Film cameras: For the purist, perhaps, but for kids born today, the word "film" will mean nothing. In fact, even digital cameras -- both video and still -- are in danger of extinction as our pocket computers take over that function too. The camera and the display source are combining…

Yellow and White Pages: Why in the world would you need a 10-pound book just to find someone? Its available via the internet..

Catalogs: There's no need to send me a book in the mail when I can see everything you have for sale anywhere, anytime. If you want to remind me to look at it, send me an email. Once again it’s a textual thing. But websites are so much cheaper..

Fax machines: Can you say "scan," ".pdf" and "email?" Fax still has its purpose, but that is slowly going away…

One picture to a frame: Such a waste of wall/counter/desk space to have a separate frame around each picture. Eight gigabytes of pictures and/or video in a digital frame encompassing every person you've ever met and everything you've ever done -- now, that's efficient. Especially compared to what we used to do: put our friends and relatives together in a room and force them to watch what we called a "slide show" or "home movies." See film camera

Wires: Wires connecting phones to walls? Wires connecting computers, TVs, stereos, and other electronics to each other? Wires connecting computers to the Internet? To kids born in 2011, that will make as much sense as an electric car trailing an extension cord. Once again, what happens when we reach the end of the usable broadcast spectrum?

Hand-written letters: For that matter, hand-written anything. When was the last time you wrote cursive? In fact, do you even know what the word "cursive" means? Kids born in 2011 won't -- but they'll put you to shame on a tiny keyboard. The wife and I taught our son cursive. Keep in mind that book 1984 – It was with the handwritten word that Winston Smith keeps his journal. It will always be important.

Talking to one person at a time: Remember when it was rude to be with one person while talking to another on the phone? Kids born today will just assume that you're supposed to use texting to maintain contact with five or six other people while pretending to pay attention to the person you happen to be physically next to. Keeping up with 5 conversations at a time is why this country is going down hill fast! We do not need to multitask like this. This is rude and insulting. And another reason this country is going downhill fast…

Retirement plans: Yes, Johnny, there was a time when all you had to do was work at the same place for 20 years and they'd send you a check every month for as long as you lived. In fact, some companies would even pay your medical bills, too! In 1899 we didn’t have pensions or social security or anything. Once people retired they were on their own and many died of poverty. Some companies had retirement pensions, some didn’t. And people didn’t plan for their retirement. We were still mostly a rural agricultural society that was quickly urbanizing. Social Security came about due to the Great Depression, then companies started to fund pensions more. Then in the 1970’s-1980’s, pensions went and were replaced by 401(k) now companies are even doing away with those simple things. Healthcare is the same animal. So we’re regressing terribly in this case…

Mail: What's left when you take the mail you receive today, then subtract the bills you could be paying online, the checks you could be having direct-deposited, and the junk mail you could be receiving as junk email? Answer: A bloated bureaucracy that loses billions of taxpayer dollars annually. But that employs over 2 million and if privatized would be halfed or more and those jobs would never be replaced.

Commercials on TV: They're terrifically expensive, easily avoided with DVRs, and inefficiently target mass audiences. Unless somebody comes up with a way to force you to watch them -- as with video on the Internet -- who's going to pay for them?

Commercial music radio: Smartphones with music-streaming programs like Pandora are a better solution that doesn't include ads screaming between every song.

Hiding: Not long ago, if you didn't answer your home phone, that was that -- nobody knew if you were alive or dead, much less where you might be. Now your phone is not only in your pocket, it can potentially tell everyone -- including advertisers -- exactly where you are.

I think I may have posted this before but...TMBG's Bangs...

Bangs
Above your eyes your hair hangs
Blow my mind your royal flyness I dig your bangs

Bangs
To drape across your forehead
To swing concordant angles as you incline your head

Once with a girl I fell in love sometime ago now she had...

Bangs
Are that on which the world hangs
I'm only holding your hand so I can look at your bangs

Bangs
Are like a pocket T-shirt
As casual as that while fully intentional

And in case you think I'm here cause I like making chit chat
Just remember what I said the money's under your hat

Bangs
Are that on which the world hangs
I'm only holding your hand so I can look at your bangs

Bangs
Above your eyes your hair hangs
Blow my mind your royal flyness I dig your bangs

Bangs
To drape across your forehead
To swing concordant angles as you incline your head

And although I like you anyway, check out your haircut
A proscenium to stage a face that needs no makeup

Bangs
Are that on which the world hangs
I'm only holding your hand so I can look at your bangs
I'm only holding your hand so I can look at your bangs

Thursday, January 06, 2011

I'm sure he'll be stuck in the middle somewhere...

LONDON (AP) Gerry Rafferty, the Scottish singer-songwriter behind hit songs "Baker Street" and "Stuck in the Middle With You," has died. He was 63.

Rafferty's agent Paul Charles confirmed Tuesday that his client had passed away following a long illness, but said he had no additional information on how or where he had died.

Rafferty's classic record "Baker Street" - renowned worldwide for its distinctive haunting saxophone solo - climbed to No. 3 in the U.K. and No. 2 in the U.S. music charts in 1978. It still achieves considerable airplay on radio stations.

The singer also recorded "Stuck in the Middle With You" in 1972 while performing as part of the Scottish folk-rock band Stealers Wheel. The ode - or mocking tribute- to Bob Dylan's raspy voice grew new wings in film maker Quentin Tarantino's movie "Reservoir Dogs," and has sold more than a million copies worldwide.

Rafferty made headlines in recent years for his public struggles with alcoholism and had also undergone treatment for liver failure. He reassured fans of his well-being in February 2009 after a former bandmate expressed concerns over his health and whereabouts in the press. Later that year, Rafferty released the album "Life Goes On."

After initially cutting his teeth as a busker, Rafferty appeared with Scottish comedian Billy Connolly in folk group the Humblebums and released a solo record before founding Stealers Wheel.

Despite his brushes with negative press - from a long-running contract dispute with Stealers Wheel to scathing character critiques posted online by his brother, Jim - Rafferty was described by employees at his latest record label as a man who kept to himself and shunned the spotlight.

Monday, January 03, 2011

FW: Steal My Sunshine Lyrics...

I was lying on the grass on Sunday morning of last week
Indulging in my self-defeat
My mind was thugged all laced and bugged all twisted wrong and beat
uncomfortable in three feet deep
Now the fuzzy stare from not being there on a confusing morning week
Impaired my tribal lunar-speak
And of course you can't become if you only say what you would have done
So I missed a million miles of fun

I know it's up for me
IF YOU STEAL MY SUNSHINE
Making sure I'm not in too deep
IF YOU STEAL MY SUNSHINE
Keeping versed and on my feet
IF YOU STEAL MY SUNSHINE


I was frying on the bench slide in the park across the street
l-a-t-e-r that week
My sticky paws were in to making straws out of big fat slurpy treats
An incredible eight foot heap
Now the funny glare to pay a gleaming tare in a staring under heat
Involved an under usual feat
And I'm not only among but I invite who I want to come
So I missed a million miles of fun

I know it's up for me
IF YOU STEAL MY SUNSHINE
Making sure I'm not in too deep
IF YOU STEAL MY SUNSHINE
Keeping versed and on my feet
IF YOU STEAL MY SUNSHINE

I know its done for me
IF YOU STEAL MY SUNSHINE
Not something hard to see
IF YOU STEAL MY SUNSHINE
Keeping dumb and built to beat
IF YOU STEAL MY SUNSHINE


Sunshine
If you Steal my sunshine
Sunshine
If you Steal my sunshine
sunshine
If you steal my sunshine
sunshine

x10