it triggers a sense of pride...tugs at the heartstrings, as it were...

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found

traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that

their ancestors already had a telephone network more than100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a

California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a

story in the LA Times read: " California archaeologists, finding traces of

200 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an

advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the

New Yorkers."

One week later, The Lincoln County Journal, a local newspaper in MO,

reported the following: After digging as deep as 300 feet in his pasture

near Foley, Bubba Brown, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he

found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago,

MO had already gone wireless.

Who said Missourians are hicks?

bartender, bartender, where's mine???

Drink up: Space station recycling urine to water

By SETH BORENSTEIN

AP Science Writer

Thu May 21, 2009 12:22 am ET

HOUSTON – At the international space station, it was one small sip for man and a giant gulp of recycled urine for mankind.

Astronauts aboard the space station celebrated a space first on Wednesday by drinking water that had been recycled from their urine, sweat and water that condenses from exhaled air. They said "cheers," clicked drinking bags and toasted NASA workers on the ground who were sipping their own version of recycled drinking water.

"The taste is great," American astronaut Michael Barratt said. Then as Russian Gennady Padalka tried to catch little bubbles of the clear water floating in front of him, Barratt called the taste "worth chasing."

He said the water came with labels that said: "drink this when real water is over 200 miles away."

The urine recycling system is needed for astronaut outposts on the moon and Mars. It also will save NASA money because it won't have to ship up as much water to the station by space shuttle or cargo rockets.

It's also crucial as the space station is about to expand from three people living on board to six.

The recycling system had been brought up to the space station last November by space shuttle Endeavour, but it couldn't be used until samples were tested back on Earth and a stuck valve was fixed on Monday.

So when it came time to actually drink up, NASA made a big deal of it.

The three-man crew stood holding their drinks and congratulated engineers in two NASA centers that worked on the system.

"This is something that had been the stuff of science fiction," Barratt said before taking a sip.

NASA deputy space shuttle manager LeRoy Cain called it "a huge milestone."

On the Russian side of the space station, moisture in the air — not urine — is turned into drinking water.

The new system takes the combined urine of the crew from the toilet, moves it to a big tank, where the water is boiled off, and the vapor collected. The rest of contaminants — the yucky brine in the urine — is thrown away, said Marybeth Edeen, the space station's national lab manager who was in charge of the system.

The water vapor is mixed with water from air condensation, then it goes through filters, much like those put on home taps, Edeen said.

When six crew members are aboard it can make about six gallons from urine in about six hours, Edeen said.

Some people may find the idea of drinking recycled urine distasteful, but it is also done on Earth, but with a lot longer time between urine and tap, Edeen said. In space, it takes about a week, she said.

The technology NASA developed for this system has already been used for quick water purification after the 2004 Asian tsunami, Edeen said.

Wednesday's urine celebration included subtle bathroom humor.

"We are happy to have this water work through the system — we're happy to have it work through our systems," Barratt said.

___

On the Net:

NASA: http://www.nasa.gov

Fair St Louis/Live at the Levee lineup...

Here’s who is on the way. All the concerts are free.

FAIR SAINT LOUIS

Friday, July 3rd

6:00 p.m. Magnolia Summer

8:00 p.m. Counting Crows (contemporary pop)
Saturday, July 4th

2:30 p.m. Dueling Pianos from the Jive and Wail

3:30 p.m. The Feed

4:30 p.m. Jon Hardy and the Public

5:30 p.m. The Incurables

6:45 p.m. Green River Ordinance

8:00 p.m. Train (contemporary pop)

LIVE ON THE LEVEE

Friday, July 17

6:00 p.m. Awesome Color

8:00 p.m. Sonic Youth (alternative rock)
Saturday, July 18

6:00 p.m. Madahoochi

8:00 p.m. Little Feat (blues rock)

Friday, July 24

6:00 p.m. LeAndra

7:00 p.m. Soul Alliance

8:00 p.m. Angie Stone (R&B)

Saturday, July 25

6:00 p.m. Pearl Heart

8:00 p.m. Gretchen Wilson (country)

Friday, July 31

6:00 p.m. Joe Stickley's Blue Print

8:00 p.m. Guster (alternative rock)

Saturday, August 1

6:00 p.m. Black Spade

8:00 p.m. Lupe Fiasco (R&B)

In addition, 'tween sensations Nat and Alex Wolff, also known as Nickelodeon's The Naked Brothers Band, will perform at 1:00 p.m. on Saturday, July 4th on the Purina Main Stage.
Information about the US Bank Fireworks, AmerenUE/Schnucks K-Town Kids Zone and Buster Brown Kids Stage, and The Sauce Café can be found on our website at http://www.celebratestlouis.org/

so THAT'S who...

A shady-looking guy sticks his head into a barbershop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and says, "About two hours."

The guy smiles and leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes."

In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop.

"Bill, where did he go when he left here?" asked the barber.

Bill replies, "To your house."

must be angry...

A woman visits a fortune teller. The fortune teller seemed to be anxious to get on with the reading; she hurriedly took her credit card, processed her payment and quickly sat her down and began the reading. In a hushed quivering voice she proclaimed to the woman, "Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Stopping her with her hand, visibly shaken, the woman takes a few deep breaths, steadies her voice and asks, "Will I be acquitted?"

what not to say to the police officer after he/she stops you...

-- I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
-- Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize I was driving.
-- Wow, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me!
-- I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
-- You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
-- You look just like my girlfriend's deadbeat ex-husband.
-- The question is -- do YOU know why you pulled me over?
-- I was trying to keep up with traffic, and it's miles ahead of me.
-- If you have to ask if I've been drinking, I'm not going to tell you, dude.
-- It wasn't my fault -- when I reached down to roll this joint, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged under the brake pedal.
-- That's a sweet 9mm. You want to hold my .44 magnum?
-- If I'd known I was getting a full body cavity search, I would have waxed!

some bumper stickers...

-- All men are idiots, and I married their king.

-- Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.

-- I brake for no apparent reason.

-- Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once.

-- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

-- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

-- Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

-- Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

-- I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

-- Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off NOW.

-- Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

-- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

-- Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone somewhere may be happy.

-- Consciousness cuts into my napping.

-- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

-- There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

-- Keep honking. I'm reloading.

Cracking the Human Resource Code words...

COMPETITIVE SALARY

Most of our competitors don't pay much either.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY"

We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"

You'll be here very late, very often -- might as well be comfortable.

"MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED"

Your first four projects are already way overdue.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"

Did we mention that you'll be here very late, very often? And most weekends.

"DUTIES WILL VARY"

Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"

We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED"

Female applicants must be childless.

"APPLY IN PERSON"

If you're old, fat or ugly, that position has already been filled.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"

This job listing is just a legal formality. The position was filled by some executive's nephew.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"

Due to consolidation, you'll be replacing three people.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"

This company is a total mess.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"

You'll have all the responsibilities of upper management, without the pay, title or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"

Listen to management, figure out what they want, don't ask too many questions and get the sh*t done.

prescriptions...

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different...You didn't tell me you had a prescription..."

never lie to your mother...

Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate, Jennifer, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

Brian said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mom,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Brian

Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love, Mom

some places have the cleaning crews clean out the fridges every week...there's a reason, folks! :-)

Rotten office fridge cleanup sends 7 to hospital

Tue May 12, 9:01 pm ET

SAN JOSE, Calif. (AP) – An office worker cleaning a fridge full of rotten food created a smell so noxious that it sent seven co-workers to the hospital and made many others ill. Firefighters had to evacuate the AT&T building in downtown San Jose on Tuesday, after the flagrant fumes prompted someone to call 911. A hazmat team was called in.

What they found was an unplugged refrigerator that had been crammed with moldy food.

Authorities said an enterprising office worker had decided to clean it out, placing the food in a conference room while using two cleaning chemicals to scrub down the mess. The mixture of old lunches and disinfectant caused 28 people to need treatment for vomiting and nausea.

Authorities said the worker who cleaned the fridge didn't need treatment — she can't smell because of allergies.

Divorced Barbie

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He stops by a toy shop and asks the sales person, "How much for one of those Barbies in the display window?"

The salesperson answers, "Which one do you mean, sir? We have Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95."

The amazed father asks, "It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?"

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers, "Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with, Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls..."

Lyrics to Bangs - I'm only giving 5 guesses as to who the artist is...

Bangs

Above your eyes your hair hangs

Blow my mind, your royal flyness

I dig your bangs

Bangs

To drape across your forehead

To swing concordant angles

As you incline your head

Once with a girl I fell

In love some time ago

Now she had

Bangs (bangs)

Are that on which the world hangs (bangs)

I'm only holding your hand (bangs)

So I can look at your

Bangs

Bangs (bangs)

Are like a pocket t-shirt (bangs)

As casual as that

While fully intentional (bangs)

And in case you think I'm here

'Cause I like making chit-chat

Just remember what I said

The money's under your hat

Bangs (are that on which)

Are that on which the world hangs (I'm only holding)

I'm only holding your hand (so I can look)

So I can look at your

Bangs

Bangs (bangs)

Above your eyes your hair hangs

Blow my mind, your royal flyness

I dig your bangs

Bangs

To drape across your forehead

To swing concordant angles

As you incline your head (bangs)

And although I liked you anyway

Check out your haircut

A proscenium to stage a face

That needs no makeup

Bangs (bangs)

Are that on which the world hangs (bangs)

I'm only holding your hand (so I can look [bangs])

So I can look at your bangs (I'm only holding [bangs])

I'm only holding your hand (bangs)

So I can look at your

Bangs

the painful decisions we make...

A man wakes up in the hospital, in a room, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in the man's room, notices he's awake, and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did, and better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch."

The man perks up at this.

"So," the doctor says, "it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in this. Making decisions together will help you through this tough time."

The man agrees to talk with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day. "So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?"

"I have," says the man.

"And has she helped you in making the decision?" he asked.

"Yes, she has," says the man.

"And what is it?" asks the doctor

"We're getting granite countertops..."

lyrics to King of New Orleans by Better than Ezra...

Got an angel on the stairs
As if you'd even care
When the lights are up
And the sun had nearly gone…

down.

Did you see him on the street?
Did you pass him at your feet?
Did you think at all, "How dare they even look me in the eye"?

And he loves the girls
And he loves the boys
Going to make twenty dollars
Before the weekends over

So set him up
To let him fall
Turn him over in your hands
God save the King of New Orleans

Got a ticket to a show
Going to see him take a blow
When the drunk one said
"Cat Stevens was the greatest singer!"

And did you kick him in the head?
Did you see the blood run down?
Did you laugh at all, when the people walked right by and said aloud,
"Gutter punks are all the same.
Probably make twenty dollars 'fore the weekends over?"

So set him up
Then let him fall
Turn him over in your hands
God save the King of New Orleans
Set him up
Then let him fall
Turn him over in your hands
God save the King of New Orleans

Radio in my head
Radio in that car
Going down again
He's going down again

Anyway you look
Anyway you talk it over
It's easier
To let it slip out of your mind

But it rips your heart out
Then it kicks your head in
Just give him one more chance
Try to see the beauty in his world

All the way in on my hands in on my feet and shoulders
Going to make twenty dollars before the weekends over

So set him up
Then let him fall
Turn him over in your hands
God save the King of New Orleans
Set him up
Then let him fall
Turn him over in your hands
God save the King of all New Orleans

God save the King of New Orleans.

a classic I received a few years back...

Chili Cook-Off

If you can read this whole story without laughing then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. Note: Please take time to read this slowly. Hope it does the same for you!!! If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better.

For those of you who have lived in, visited Texas for any extended amount of time, or have family there, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-Off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili Taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

*****************************************************

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI

Judge # 1 - A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 - Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

Judge # 3 (Frank) - Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

***************************************************

CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

Judge # 1 - Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge # 2 - Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 - Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

***************************************************

CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

Judge # 1 - Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.

Judge # 2 - A bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge # 3 - Call the EPA - I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer.

***************************************************

CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

Judge # 1 - Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 - Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods. Not much of a chili.

Judge # 3 - I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

***************************************************

CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

Judge # 1 - Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 - Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 - My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.

***************************************************

CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

Judge # 1 - Thin, yet bold, vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 - The best yet! Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb!

Judge # 3 - My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

***************************************************

CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

Judge # 1 - A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 - Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Judge # 3 - You could stick a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it's made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. Screw it - I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

***************************************************

CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI

Judge # 1 - The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 - This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?

Judge # 3 - No Report