StLouieMoe's Blog about Anything

Thursday, December 11, 2008

more muppets on SNL



[FADE IN on a panorama of a set which looks like a moonscape with erupting volcanoes and an orange sky. Black muppets are hiding in craters, a few of which are giving off steam, and tumbleweeds and other odd objects fly across the surface while funky, tuneless music plays.]



Don Pardo: Come with us now, from the bubbling tar pits to the sulfurous wastelands, from the rotting forests to the stagnant northlands, to the land of Gorch.



[FADE to Ploobis, a fat, green lizard with Viking horns, who is guzzling liquor out of a bottle. He slurps for a few seconds, then sets the bottle down.]



Ploobis: [drunkenly singing] I’m retired, and Iwant to go to bed...



Peuta: [shrieking] PLOOBIS!!! PLOOBIS!!



[ENTER Peuta, his elderly wife, who has her blue hair rolled up in curlers.]



Ploobis: Uhhh... I just changed my mind on that.



Peuta: Come to bed!!



Ploobis: [slurring] Don’t tell me what to do!



Peuta: You’re still drunk!



Ploobis: And you’re still ugly. We’re even.



[Peuta hummphs and walks away. Ploobis waves bye-bye to her.]



Ploobis: Uh, yeah, uhhhhhhhhh, we’re even, ehhhhhhhh, um.



[ENTER Scred, a smaller, gray, warty lizard, carrying a lump of ice in his hands and singing unintelligbly.]



Scred: Hiya, hiya, Chief. I got the ice and the beer nuts, but they’re all out of lampshades.



Ploobis: Listen, Scred. Have a drink. I hate to drink alone.



Scred: Oh, nup, nup, nup, I’m seeing double already.



Ploobis: Well, then, both of you have a drink.



Scred: Aaaaaaagh!



[He grabs Scred, pulls him over, opens his mouth, and pours booze down his throat.]



Ploobis: There you go. That, that’s drinking like a man, friend.



[Scred gurgles and coughs]



Ploobis: Drunk like a man.



Scred: Naw, you forgot what planet you’re on! That’s drinking like a Snirch! He, he, he, he....



Ploobis: Oh, yeah, I forget how them Snirches drink.



[Scred tries to pull away, but his ragged sleeve catches on one of Ploobis’s rings.]



Ploobis: You’re caught on me there, Scred!



Scred: Aaaaaagh!



Ploobis: Let go of me, aaagrrgh...



[Scred manages to untangle himself.]



Scred: You know, you shouldn’t drink, though. Yeah, you should just lay offa that stuff!



Ploobis: [points to bottle] All right. You’re fired! You get that, he got laid off the stuff! You, you see that? Heh, heh, heh!



[They laugh while Ploobis has another blast.]



Ploobis: Ehhhh, Scred.



Scred: Hmm?



Ploobis: Scred.



Scred: Yeah?



Ploobis: You know why I drink?



Scred: No.



Ploobis: It’s because I hate myself.



Scred: Oh. That explains why I drink! I hate you too!



[Ploobis throws the bottle at Scred, but misses. The bottle goes klunk on the ground.]



Scred: Actually, actually, I’m only kidding. You’re my very favorite.



Ploobis: Yeahh?



Scred: Yeah. I just love bloated green things.



[Ploobis grabs Scred by the collar.]



Ploobis: I like you too, see, Scred. I like, I like the way your neck and my hand are a perfect fit.



[chokes Scred]



Scred: How convenient!



Ploobis: Wait a minute, Scred. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.



Scred: What?



Ploobis: Why don’t--why don’t--why don’t--listen, why don’t--why--why don’t--why don’t we go see The Mighty Flavog?



Scred: Oh, no! I got a better idea?



Ploobis: What’s that?



Scred: Yeah. Why don’t we go see The Mighty Flavog?



Ploobis: That’s a good idea! Let’s do that! Come on, let’s go.



[Ploobis and Scred start off to the right.]



Ploobis: Nope--it’s not that way. It’s the other way.



Scred: Over here.



[They walk off to the left and come to a kind of granite, Egyptian statue with an old man’s face carved into it.]



[sound effect of a gong]



Mighty Favog: This is The Mighty Favog.



Ploobis: That is The Mighty Flavog.



Scred: Yeah, sure is! He, he, he!! Hey, Mighty Favog! Me and my little dog Toto here want to go back to Kansas!!



[Laughter]



Mighty Favog: [tonelessly] You guys been hittin’ the sauce again.



Ploobis: Listen, uh--



Scred: No, just had a couple of drinks.



Ploobis: Yeah, yeah, lighten it up there, stoneface!



Scred: Stoneface! Stoneface! Yeah, he’s got a face that could stop a clock!



Mighty Favog: Stoneface?! Thou shalt not take the face of the Lord thy God in vain!



[There is a sound effect of thunderclap, while a lurid gray smoke cloud appears in the sky. Ploobis and Scred tremble in fear.]



Mighty Favog: Heh. The mighty Oz has spoken.



[Sound effect of a gong, then ZOOM in on Favog nodding his head. Play funky music, then FADE to black.]

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