The old man and the dog chow at the K-mart checkout line...

One day, an old man was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow at K-Mart for his dog, and was about to check out. A woman behind him asked if he had a dog.

"No ma'am, I'm retired with little to do," he said, almost on queue. "No, I don't have a dog - I'm starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time. I lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms."

"Oh, my," she gasped.

"It's essentially a perfect diet" he said, continuing the story. By this time practically everyone in the checkout line was enthralled with his story. "It works by loading your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eating one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again."

Horrified, she asked, "Did you end up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned you?"

"No," he told her, "It was because I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us both..."

The guy behind her about had a heart attack he was laughing so hard, and the management of that K-Mart won't let that old man shop there anymore.