These are purported comments from kids in the U.K. concerning the sea, sea creatures, etc.. on homework assignments...

This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles...

Oysters' balls are called pearls...

A dolphin breaths through an arsehole on the top of its head...

Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more...

Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers...

If you are surrounded by sea you are an island. If you don't have sea all around you, you are incontinent...

My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs...

When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come...

Divers have to be safe whey they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. My brother said they would be better off eating beans...

I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant?

When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small…

On holiday my mum went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water shot up her fanny...

I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my dad keeps shouting at my mum, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write...