DOG DIARY VS. CAT DIARY...

DOG DIARY
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the folks! My favorite
thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

CAT DIARY
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt
me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine
lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I
are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I
make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my
strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my
dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I
once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless
body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike
fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates
what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little
hunter" I am. Bastards!
This morning I was almost successful in an attempt to
assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his
feet as he was walking. I must try this again
tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are
flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special
privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to
be more than willing to return. He is obviously
retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I
observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I
am certain that he reports my every move. My captors
have arranged protective custody for him in an
elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...
Cat