joke headlines that make you think...Dateline...NEW YAWK...

NEW YORK -- A public school teacher was arrested today at John
F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in
possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a
calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales
said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.

He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI
with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said. "They desire
solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search
of absolute values.

They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to
themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common
denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3
sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, George W. Bush said, "If
God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have
given us more fingers and toes."

Aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or
profound statement made by the President.