GWB resume

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE

LAW ENFORCEMENT:

* I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976
for driving under the
influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a
fine, and had my driver's license
suspended for 30 days.

* My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is
not available.

MILITARY:

* I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went
AWOL.

* I refused to take a drug test or answer any
questions about my drug use.

* By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was
able to avoid combat duty in
Vietnam.

COLLEGE:

* I graduated from Yale University with a low C
average.

* I was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

* I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.

* I began my career in the oil business in
Midland, Texas, in 1975.

* I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any
oil in Texas. The company
went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

* I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a
sweetheart deal that took land
using taxpayer money.

* With the help of my father and our right-wing
friends in the oil industry
(including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected
governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:

* I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power
and oil companies, making Texas
the most polluted state in the Union.

* During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles
as the most smog-ridden city in
America.

* I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury
to the tune of billions in
borrowed money.

* I set the record for the most executions by any
governor in American history.

* With the help of my brother, the governor of
Florida, and my father's
appointments to the Supreme Court, I became
President after losing by over
500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

* I am the first President in U.S. history to
enter office with a criminal
record.

* I invaded and occupied two countries at a
continuing cost of over one billion
dollars per week.

* I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively
bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.

* I shattered the record for the largest annual
deficit in U.S. history.

* I set an economic record for most private
bankruptcies filed in any 12-month
period.

* I set the all-time record for most foreclosures
in a 12-month period.

* I set the all-time record for the biggest drop
in the history of the U.S.
stock market.

* In my first year in office, over 2 million
Americans lost their jobs and that
trend continues every month.

* I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are
the richest of any administration
in U.S. history.

* My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has
a Chevron oil tanker named
after her.

* I set the record for most campaign fund-raising
trips by a U.S. President.

* I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder
for receiving the most
corporate campaign donations.

* My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and
one of my best friends, Kenneth
Lay, presided over the largest corporate
bankruptcy fraud in U.S. history,
Enron.

* My political party used Enron private jets and
corporate attorneys to assure
my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my
election decision.

* I have protected my friends at Enron and
Halliburton against investigation or
prosecution. More time and money was spent
investigating the Monica Lewinsky
affair than has been spent investigating one of
the biggest corporate rip-offs
in history.

* I presided over the biggest energy crisis in
U.S. history and refused to
intervene when corruption involving the oil
industry was revealed.

* I presided over the highest gasoline prices in
U.S. history.

* I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted
criminals to be awarded
government contracts.

* I appointed more convicted criminals to
administration than any President in
U.S. history.

* I created the Ministry of Homeland Security,
the largest bureaucracy in the
history of the United States government.

* I've broken more international treaties than
any President in U.S. history.

* I am the first President in U.S. history to
have the United Nations remove the
U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

* I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

* I refused to allow inspectors access to
U.S. "prisoners of war" detainees and
thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva
Convention.

* I am the first President in history to refuse
United Nations election
inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).

* I set the record for the fewest number of press
conferences of any President
since the advent of television.

* I set the all-time record for most days on
vacation in any one-year period.

* After taking off the entire month of August, I
presided over the worst
security failure in U.S. history.

* I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after
the World Trade Center attacks
and less than a year later made the U.S. the most
hated country in the world,
the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.

* I have set the all-time record for most people
worldwide to simultaneously
protest me in public venues (15 million people),
shattering the record for
protest against any person in the history of
mankind.

* I am the first President in U.S. history to
order an unprovoked, pre-emptive
attack and the military occupation of a sovereign
nation.

* I did so against the will of the United
Nations, the majority of U.S.
citizens, and the world community.

* I have cut health care benefits for war
veterans and support a cut in duty
benefits for active duty troops and their
families -- in war time.

* In my State of the Union Address, I lied about
our reasons for attacking Iraq,
then blamed the lies on our British friends.

* I am the first President in history to have a
majority of Europeans (71%) view
my presidency as the biggest threat to world
peace and security.

* I am supporting development of a
nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

* All records of my tenure as governor of Texas
are now in my father's library,
sealed and unavailable for public view.

* All records of SEC investigations into my
insider trading and my bankrupt
companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable
for public view.

* All records or minutes from meetings that I, or
my Vice-President attended
regarding public energy policy are sealed in
secrecy and unavailable for public
review.