Ponderings about "Why??"

Basically these are "why" questions, w/my witty banter inserted for comic relief in some strange cases…oh well, here goes…

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
I'm answering this one w/further questions - Are we trying to change mechanical energy to electrical energy thinking that the harder we press the more juice we extract from the batteries therefore the more power the remote emits????

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
This one's easy, because they're JERKS!!  The actual reason is that when they do this they are paying your debt and, in essence, offering you a temporary credit, and are charging you for that privilege - real nice….

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Because they don’t trust you or don't read signs well or can't really count that high...

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Easy, its MAGIC!  The actual reason is because the glue inside the bottle is not DRYING - were it to dry, THEN you'd see it stick.  Keep the cap off the bottle and bring it in tomorrow...

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
If the governor or supreme court calls and calls off the execution, they don’t want to be held liable for the health care of the inmate - that is the actual reason…plus they are trying to "humanitize" the process...

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Because he thinks he looks better shaved...

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Hey, those handles HURT! Riiiigggghhhhtttt - wimp!

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
They don’t want to die on the way to their suicide mission, do they???

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
The same dude who put the bop in the bop-de-bop-de-bop, and the dip in the dip-de-dip-de-dip, and the wang in the wang-a-lang-a-ding-dong!  Its also the same dude who put the K in KNIGHT - it’s a conspiracy!!!   

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Not all apes evolved…not all ants became termites, not all flowers became roses...

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
The bubbles aren't white, they're actually transparent, and the coloring only goes so far...

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
If there was, all existence would have to be stopped because this just isn't possible...

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
These are the same folks who constantly wonder who (or to be more precise, WHAT!) turns out the light when you shut the door...

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
There's a name for this syndrome…suckastringaphobia.

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
You must look for the telltale signs of which end is up…and they always make this difficult, especially on cheap bags.  You have to buy the "more expensive" idiot proof ones, the ones I can never afford...

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
They are born there - many already were hanging out there…and most people don’t realize that most light fixtures have RADIATOR HOLES in them to make sure they don’t BURN UP AND BURN DOWN THE HOUSE!!!  That's how they get in there and wreak havoc on all logic...

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
Because we're nice and cordial and if you say it, you may be in for something.  It all depends on the severity of the strike and if or if not the other guy is bigger than you…

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

I believe Murphy had a saying about this...

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
Because we're IDIOTS!!  Because people cant regulate temperature like they could when they were covered in fur, climbing trees and screaming at jaguars on the ground for eating Uncle Stan….

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
Because Father in Laws usually have guns and aren't afraid to use them...

And Finally…
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

I'VE BEEN OUSTED!!!!  OK trash the world domination computers!  STRIKE DOWN THE FLYERS - Its all over….<sob>  This isn't the end, mind you…I WILL BE BACK!!  BIGGER AND BETTER THAN EVER…MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

:-D