20 puns for your groaning pleasure...

1.) Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2.) A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3.) Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.

4.) A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5.) A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm. He says in a loud voice to the bartender, "A beer please, and one for the road..."

6.) Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

7.) A man goes to his doctor complaining of an illness.

"Doc," the man cried, "I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"

"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome," the doctor exclaims.

"Is it common?" the patient man asks.

"Well," the doctor explains, "'It's Not Unusual...'"

8.) Two cows, Daisy and Dolly, are standing next to each other in a field.

Daisy says, "I was artificially inseminated this morning!"

"I don't believe you," says Dolly.

"It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9.) An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10.) Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11.) I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12.) A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.

"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" he screamed to the attending physician.

The doctor replied, "I know you can't -- I've cut off your arms!"

13.) I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14.) Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes? A: A fsh.

15.) Two fish were swimming about in the lake. One of them swims into a concrete wall, and the other avoids it.

The colliding fish turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

16.) Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17.) A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.

"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," the manager exclaimed, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer..."

18.) A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan. The twins were allowed by their adoptive families to keep in touch with their birth mother. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she sighs and turns to her husband. "I wish I also had a picture of Ahmal," she said.

Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal..."

19.) Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20.) And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.