some goodies from Phil Proctor of the FireSign Theatre...

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men. That night all three would wear a leather bodice, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes!

After a few days they meet again. The engaged gal says, "The other night, my boyfriend found me with the leather bodice, 12-cm stilettos and mask. 'You are the woman of my life!, I love you', he said, and we made love all night long."

"Me, too!" sighed the mistress. "The other night I met my lover in the office and I was wearing the S&M bodice, mega stilettos, the mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn’t say anything, but we had wild sex all night."

Then, the wife spoke: "The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mother's for the night, then I got myself ready: leather bodice, super stilettos and mask. My husband comes back from work, opens the door and says:

“Hey Batman, what's for dinner?”

* * *

What they did for a living..

• Harpo Marx played piano in a whorehouse but he kept his mouth shut.


• James Dean was a page at NBC


• Sylvester Stallone, a theater usher


• Maya Angelou was a waitress


• Charlie Chaplin, a butler.


• Casanova was a spy for king Louis XV of France (he loved his country)


• James Cagney started as a female impersonator.


• Bela Lugosi was a mineworker


• Harry S. Truman was a lead mine owner.


• Lewis Carroll was an Anglican clergyman


• Newt Gingrich and Bil Clinton were university professors.


• Poet Walt Whitman worked as a carpenter


• Carl Sandburg delivered milk


• Rod McKuen was a cookie puncher.


• Bette Midler was a pineapple chunker.


• Walt Disney and Rock Hudson delivered mail


• Abraham Lincoln was a postmaster.


• Bud Abbott tamed lions.


• Bob Crane, later a DJ, started as a drummer with the Connecticut Symphony Orchestra.


• Tony Blair focused on being a lawyer.


• John Major started as garden gnome manufacturer.


• John Candy was a traveling salesman


• Clark Gable, a clerk with the Miller Rubber Company.


• Alec Guinness was an advertising copywriter.


• Sidney Poitier was first a physiotherapist.


• Joseph Stalin - well, he began his criminal career as – a bank robber.

* * *

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 73 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

"Hell, I feel just like a newborn baby," Slim replies enthusiastically.

"Really? Like a baby?" says his friend.

“Yep, “ he continues, “No hair, no teeth. And I think I just crapped my pants."

* * *

Magic man Harry Anderson (formerly on NBC’s Night Court back in the 80’s) reminds us that this month we celebrated a very special birthday as Monica Lewinsky turned 34.

“Can you believe it?” Harry writes, “It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees and putting everything in her mouth. They grow up so fast, don't they?”