A series of promises that speak of true friendship - spread these around if ya wanna

Are you tired of those sissy-ass "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship:

1.)  When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2.)  When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3.)  When you smile -- I will know you finally got some.
4.)  When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5.)  When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6.)  When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7.)  When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again.  I don't want whatever you have.
8.)  When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass because I thought you were dancing.

This is my oath and I pledge it to the end.  Why you may ask?  Because you are my friend!

Remember this:  A good friend will help you move - a REALLY good friend will help you move a body.  Let me know if you
ever need me to bring a shovel.

Friendship is like peeing your pants - everyone can see it, but only YOU can feel the true warmth.